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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

A letter to Theo.



Dear Theo Epstein,

Just wanted to tell you how great of a job I think you've done since coming to Beantown in 2003 to be the Sox G.M. You had the foresight to pick David Ortiz up off the scrap heap, and he's turned into the baddest man on the planet. You had Thanksgiving dinner with Curt Schilling in November 2003, and convinced him to come lead the team to the promised land, and he did. You also hired the follicle challenged gentleman sitting next to you, and he was the ONLY man, in my opinion, who could have kept that band of idiots together in 2004. Which he did.

You've made some moves I'd question, sure. Trading Bronson Arroyo away last year, letting Trot Nixon go, though the fact I named my son after him my color my feelings on that one JUST a little. All in all, considering the insanity level of the fans of your particular team, you do an outstanding job. Plus, with the rock band and all, you are quite the hipster when compared to your contemporary, young Mr. Cashman in New York. You ever ask yourself why he puts up with Big Stein? I think the boy has a martyr complex myself.

I gotta ask you this one thing though. If it's not to much trouble, could you try a little harder to find us a closer for this year? I read where Tito says if the season started today, Julian Tavarez would close. Theo, I got kids man: I wanna see them grow up and all. You let Tavarez be the closer, you are gonna take YEARS off my life expectancy. Seriously.

We have a potentially dominating starting rotation of Schilling, Beckett, Matsuzaka, Papelbon, and Wake. Papi, Manny, and Drew, if healthy, are the best 3/4/5 hitters in the league. High on base guys hitting in front of them in Lugo and Youk, and solid hitters behind them in Tek, Lowell, and Crisp. Only the Munchkin Pedroia is the question mark, but his solid fielding may make up the difference.

You really gonna let all that be left to the arm and mind of Julian in the 9th? C'mon Theo, the guy is one step away from taking his uniform off while he's on the field and doing the macarena, followed by running into the Green Monster and refusing to come out until they bring him a pack of M&M's, only with all the green ones taken out.

I believe in you brother. I know you have some devious plan coming together in that Ivy League educated brain of yours. Could you execute the plan post haste? Please?

"Cause I think I'm developing an ulcer.

29 comments:

Kaylee said...

//Only the Munchkin Pedroia is the question mark, but his solid fielding may make up the difference.//
My man will sshow how good he can be in the majors this season. just watch and wait.



//I read where Tito says if the season started today, Julian Tavarez would close. Theo, I got kids man: I wanna see them grow up and all. You let Tavarez be the closer, you are gonna take YEARS off my life expectancy. Seriously.//

Hey theo I am a young girl and would not like to have a heart attack watching Julian Close.

Ted D said...

Kaylee, Pedroia is your version of my Beckett: I hope we prove each other wrong.

Congrat's on getting Teks autograph. Very nice.

Kaylee said...

Thank you.GOT Ortiz's today.I wanted PAPELBOT's and had the chance too but,my cousin made me get some Pirates pitcher autograph instead.

Tex said...

Kaylee first I am totally JEALOUS of you getting Tek's autograph!!!

Ted...perhaps if you're writing Theo a letter you should use a stamp...so he'd read it :)

Kaylee said...

Hey TEX give my cousin the credit he suggested it:)

Ted D said...

C'mon Tex, bear with me here. I just figured out blogging, now you want me to learn how to mail a letter?

I hope you feel better soon. A sick Tex is a sad Tex.

Cindy said...

Ted, awesome letter! I couldn't have said it better myself!

Ted D said...

Kaylee, I have an autographed ball from Papi in Rake's room, and a Trot Nixon autographed ball in, where else, Trot's room.

And you need to go upside your cousin's head for not letting you get Papelbot's autograph. What kinda cousin do you have, anyway? :)

Kaylee said...

I have a crazy cousin that apparently likes Shawn Chacon better than papelbot.....even though he hates the pirates.....That boy needs to know that us women get mad if we dont get what we want:)

Tex said...

I keep trying to write something but I just dont have the umph to do it.

Im just ready for Baseball

Ted D said...

Hey Cindy: thank you for coming by. I missed you there: you kinda snuck in on me!

Ted D said...

Just wait until you feel better Tex: it'll make for a better story!

Christine E. said...

Ted:

The imagery for Julian and his dislike of green M & M's is PRICELESS! LOL

Could not agree with you more..but perhaps Cordero is on the horizon..

Kaylee: You got Big Papi's autograph!? I am insanely jealous!

Kaylee said...

YEP CHRISTINE,You were Jealous of me getting TEK's and now you are jealous papi's!I would blog about it on my blog if i wasnt too lazy.Maybe tomorrow I will:)

Ted D said...

Christine, I've heard Cordero, but his tight rope act at times could cause problems, and I've heard Armando Benitez, who, IMO, is a gas can waiting for a match. When you look around, there are really just a few teams with a closer who is not a disaster waiting to happen.

The Yankees, Blue Jays, Angels, and Braves, to an extent, are the ones who come to mind first.

It'll all work out: I just wish Pap had not gotten hurt. He had HOF potential as a closer.

Matt said...

Ok...it's midnight and I'm tired, sore, worn out, and cranky, but I'm going to post anyhow.

In regards to crazy Julian closing and taking years off your life: think about me!!! I'm the one that will have to deal with you calling me and agonizing over every pitch he throws in the 9th, each and every game he closes. Not to mention how freaking locked up you will be if we're in the Bronx in a close one. AARRRGGGHHH!!! You're worried about YOUR life expectancy?!! What about mine? I don't know if I can take that!

ON the positive side: you know it will be hilarious, though!

ON the Papelbot: Kaylee, I can't believe you didn't get his autograph. So sad.

Finally, back to the life expectacy thing: I don't even want to think what I've done to mine recently. I've spent 2 days in a filthy crawlspace pulling electrical wire, then weeks in a house that's been shut up for 5 years breathing all THAT crap in, then the I've been smelling paint for a week, and finally, for 2 days, I've been running an industrial drum sander, breathing THAT in. If I live to 40, it will be a miracle.

Stacy said...

Matt, this may be your father in law's plan to do you in! :) jk You'll have to spend a lot of time in nature hugging trees to make up for all that junk you've been breathing in.

I've never seen Julian pitch, but if he closes, at least no one will turn off the game before it's completely over!

Matt said...

Stacy, you know what? You just might be right. He's been trying to get rid of me for some time now!

scott h said...

Ah Mattie, I believe I have the correct explaination! I'm sure you would quote CCR "I an't no senators son!" BUT I thinks you have a case of remove silver spoon insert a FEW weeks of MANWORK!!!!!! IT will pass and you can go back to sorting your back issues of birdwatchers gone wild.

Ted D said...

Scott, Matt is probably under his house getting God knows what, but you had me rolling with the birdwatchers gone wild!

Ted D said...

Matty, I gotta tell you: you keep tossing up them softball comments, and Bubba's gonna keep knockin' them out of the park!

Check yourself son.

Kaylee said...

okay beckett didnot fare well tonight 3 runs in 5innings against Carlos Beltran's squad:)

Ted D said...

Yeah, I read that Kaylee: if he's doing it in April, I'll get worried. March does not worry me so much.

Kaylee said...

Well I was told by you TED he wont be wasnt I?

Kaylee said...

I will just be happy if beckett can keep an ERA in the 3's-4's and stay healthy:)

Ted D said...

Yep: That's what I said! And I mean it. He'll lose some games, don't get me wrong. No way he goes 25-0, but he will be much better this year than last: his stuff is too good not to.

Kaylee said...

I aint expecting anyone to be perfect.

Mike said...

Julian Tavarez hiding in the Green Monster until he is brought M&Ms, with the green ones removed.
I could totally see that happening.

Well done!

Matt said...

Cut me some slack! I am running on fumes! And I don't think I need to get comments on MAN work from a guy who sells PLANTS for a living, not to mention the fact that he only works 1/2 the year!