Went to my first solo parent meeting at Ciera's school tonight, and I'm pretty sure it'll be my last.
I don't know why goofy stuff happens to me when I'm sans wife, but it just does.
Pulling into the parking lot tonight, I was amazed at my good luck: all of the reserved parking spots up front were empty, so I parked the Griswold mobile and headed inside.
Upon entering the cafeteria, I'm immediately struck by the following:
1. I'm the only dude in sight.
2. All the ladies are dressed to kill, while I'm sporting a long sleeve Eskimo Joe shirt with my Trot Nixon t-shirt over it, jean shorts, and wearing my Sox cap. Which is another way of saying I'm standing out like Forest Gump at the Black Panther party.
3. With roughly 95 4th graders at this school, there is MAYBE 20 parents at the meeting. Don't get me wrong, I understand that some people can't make a 6 p.m. meeting on a Thursday night. But are you telling me that out of roughly 75 other adults, not ONE of them could take the time to show up?
//Begins rant: Why is it that you have to be 16 to drive, 18 to vote, and 21 to drink, yet any moron can procreate? Male or female, I'm about ready to propose my "Everyone must be on birth control unless you can pass a test on parenting that a monkey mainlining meth could pass" amendment. Then, and ONLY then, could you have a child. It constantly amazes me that someone with a child can be so apathetic.//
In the meeting, the principal, who arrived a few minutes late, gets up to hand out the parent booklets. When she gets to me she leans down and says "I'm guessing with all the Red Sox gear you have on YOU are the one who parked in my spot". My Sox license plate frame gave me away.
My first thought? "Oh S**t." Second thought? "I'm never going to be allowed to do this by myself again." However, a few minutes later she comes by and says "It's OK: with the weekend Manny had last week, you can park anywhere you want."
Turns out she is a card carrying member of RSN and we proceed to have a really nice conversation about the season, the ALDS, and Beckett facing Sabbathia.
If you've read this thing more than once, you'll understand why I'm stoked about the events of tonight. Ciera will be moving to middle school after next year.
Rakes and Trot are still waiting in the wings: they'll need all the good will that Dad can build up to avoid detention, suspension, and expulsion in the coming years.
Game 1 is less than 24 hours away: I'm tempted to quote Morgan Freeman from Shawshank here, but don't feel like putting up with the ragging I'd get from certain family members.
Let's just say this: I can't freaking wait.
The Prayer of a Righteous Man
1 day ago