I knew when I rolled out of bed this morning. In 15 years of marriage, she has NEVER taken the Christmas decorations down until after January 1st; when I walked out of our bedroom today, the house looked like Cindy Lou Who's did after the Grinch got through with it. She had ripped down every bit of garland, ribbon, and lights we'd put up not 5 weeks earlier.
Before I realize it, I'm recruited into taking ornaments off the trees and stuffing things into boxes and 2 hours later it's like Christmas never happened. After a lot of yelling about "You slept in and I've done all this work and why won't you just help me", all I'm left with are lights outside to take down and approximately 5 million pine needles to vacuum off the floor. Don't let anyone fool you; a fake tree that is 20 years old sheds as much as a live tree does.
For a brief second I panicked and the one thought that rushed through my head was "Oh crap. She's pregnant". Then I realized that there was NO way a just God would allow that to happen, and figured it was the onset of menopause, which caused another wave of desperation to wash over me. Thankfully, I was wrong on both counts.
Turns out she just got a wild hair when she woke up and wanted to get it over with. Since this woman NEVER does anything without analyzing it to death, I can only conclude that myself and our three little bundles of joy have finally pushed her over the edge.
If that's the case, I only have these 4 words to offer:
God help us all.