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Sunday, December 23, 2007

Is Anybody Here A Doctor?

I could have used one of these suits this weekend; Apparently, my house was where the bubonic plague decided to take up residence the past 48 hours or so.

First it was Trot who started with a runny nose and ended up expelling what I'm POSITIVE was more than his body weight until late yesterday afternoon. Just when I thought we were out of the woods, Angie gets sick in a way I never read in one of those "What to expect when you get married" books we read 16 years ago. I'm a firm believer that God never intended for a man to see his wife do the following: A. Go to the bathroom, B. Give birth, and C. Throw up.

That is why he invented Doctors and doors.

During the night I wake up to what I initially believe is a flock of seagulls coming down the chimney; turns out it was just Rakes flipping out because he had gotten sick in his bed. And on the floor. And all over his stuffed animals.

Remember, the one who SHOULD be handling this is riding the porcelain highway, so here I am disheveled, half asleep, and muttering under my breath about that stupid Bing Crosby/David Bowie version of "Little Drummer Boy". Just when it can't get any better....

Ciera turns into that kid from the Exorcist around 8:30 this morning. Honest to God, I kept watching her, video camera at the ready, waiting for her head to swivel 360 degrees. How I have not gotten this entity yet is beyond me; I've rubbed my hands raw washing them under scalding hot water and I think I cleaned WalMart out of Lysol.

Thankfully it looks like the worst is over; Trot has been asleep for over an hour and Rakes went down 30 minutes ago without me having to threaten to barricade his door with a refrigerator. Ciera is eating an ice pop in my bed and Angie's skin color no longer makes chalk look like a neon sign.

I really hope Santa is bringing me syringe full of Horse Tranquilizer tomorrow night.

43 comments:

Tex said...

whiny baby. :)
and get that picture of wahjah off of this sacred blog!!!! no wonder your family is sick...you jinxed your self!!

Ted D said...

::flips Tex the bird::

He's the DINK of the week, Tex. Plus he's in a 'Stros uniform. I couldn't force myself to put a Yankee picture up.

Besides, it's like a M.A.S.H. unit here. They were dropping like fly's al weekend.

Tex said...

awwwwwwww Im sorry. Poor Ted is having a rough time playing Mr. Mom. Guess this is what the preacher meant when he said "in sickness and in health" eh? LOL!

I feel for ya. i had to give ya hell about FUT. and im aghast you flipped me off. ;)
seriously i hope you all feel better by the time santa comes. but at least the boys aren't breaking anything

Ted D said...

I just figured he meant when I was sick, not her. ;)

Aghast?

::googles like a madman::

I hope we're all well too. This is harshing my Christmas mellow something fierce.

Tex said...

typical male...::puts dictionary adn thesarus on list to buy ted::

Ted D said...

//puts dictionary adn thesarus on list to buy ted://

Puts spelling book on list to buy Tex. ;)

And from the second comment? Should have said "Flies"

Tex said...

::rolls eyes:: at least i know what aghast means.

although you do know how to use rubber gloves and lysol now. so the experience hasn't been a total loss ;)

Tex said...

ok im over and out. feel better and rest up. i have a feeling the kids will wake up energized in the morning...so you better get some sleep

Ted D said...

Yep; rubber gloves, Lysol, and the tone of voice Rakes uses when he's about to be sick.

Can I get a do-over for the weekend?

Ted D said...

Thanks Tex.

And I have to agree with you. Problem is, I'm sleeping on the couch; I'll get no sleep and I'm toast for tomorrow.

Night.

Tree Newt said...

Amanda and I were wondering how you were coping.

Swimmingly, I see.

Praying they all get better soon, and you stay barf free.

Ted D said...

Coping?

I'm just hanging on for dear life and praying it ends soon.

But thanks, Newt.

Peter N said...

Feel better! Happiness and health....Peter

Tree Newt said...

How's the crew this morning, bro?

Ted D said...

Oy vey.

Newt, everybody is better. No expulsions anywhere it appears the worse is past. Somehow or another I haven't gotten sick yet, miracle of miracles.

Tex said...

you better make those heathens wash their hands 50 million times

Ted D said...

I'm gonna hose them and Angie down with some industrial grade govt. issued chemicals, Tex.

Think that'll do the trick?

Tex said...

hand them each a bottle of that hand sanitizer to use every time they use their hands. you wear a mouth mask and rubber gloves. use plastic plates and silverware. spray lysol alot. or you could just go to matties for christmas and miss all the fun.

Ted D said...

That is EXACTLY what I've been doing, Tex!

Supposed to go to the in-laws tonight then my parents tomorrow. They may not let us in.

Tex said...

you can go and bring plates back. i have been searching for christmas pics of beckett all morn. i wish the boy wouldnt be such a recluse.

HorshamScouse said...

Looks like you've turned the corner, just in time.

I hope Thursday's still on?

scott h said...

Glad the pack is doing better. Don't waste your time sanitizing them the germs have already migrated thru your orifices and are percolating as we speak. Hopefully you are in tip top shape mentally and physically and it won't bother you.

Have a good day!

Ted D said...

Tex, I imagine he's sitting in a tree stand somewhere. Good luck finding him.

Horsham, I think we're all good, and the fumigation will be finished by then, so Thursday is still a go for us. What time should we be expecting you?

Bub, you're supposed to be family. You know very well I haven't been in top shape mentally or physically in YEARS. Now I'm gonna be freaking out all day.

You dink.

Stacy said...

Glad everyone is doing better. How you escaped this thing is nothing short of a miracle. Just ignore Bub and think positive, healthy thoughts.

You might want to invest in one of those haz-mat suits in your picture in case the whole crew goes down again. Just a thought. :)

Ted D said...

They go down again, I'm coming to your house. They're on their own.

scott h said...

Maybe it was something they all ate. You might have drowned out the bad with your Pistol Pete sauce.

Jr that is what family is for.


Garrison and I are locked in a battle of the bands with Guitar Hero. Sonya should be pulling her hair out any second.

Tex said...

Merry Christmas to you all...even those dang Okies. at least Stacy found the special card. :)

Ted D said...

If she doesn't kill the two of you I'll be surprised. Tell Garrison I said to teach you some humility.

Merry Christmas to you to, Tex.

Tree Newt said...

Ahhhh...the love of family at this time of year always warms my heart.

Ted D said...

He started it, Matt.

I'm guessing you've been out shopping for a farm fresh ham this morning?

Tree Newt said...

Dude, you have no idea. Like a fool, I went to the one place on earth you do NOT want to go on Chirstmas Eve.

That's right. Wal-Mart.

'nuff said.

JMP said...

Hi Ted,
Merry Christmas to you and your great family!!
Hope everyone is feeling better for Christmas.

Really sounded bad.. feel for you as I have been through it one to many times. And I agree with you 100% on your list of three thing a Husband should never see his wife do!!!

Merry Christmas to your whole extended clan too!


And Tex is right..need to get rid of the present 'dink of the week'.
He has been on my s--t list for years.

Ted D said...

Matt, you went to Wal Mart on Christmas Eve? This confirms what I've thought for years; Mom dropped you on your head at an early age.

JMP,

Merry Christmas to you and your family as well, and I'm glad to see a kindred brother on my 3 things!

Everybody is at least upright and we all made it to my in-laws. None of them had an appetite but were very excited about opening presents, etc..

I just got done reading "The Night Before Christmas" and the "Little Drummer Boy" to them and they are all in bed but not asleep yet. As you well know, my night is a LONG way from being over.

Tex said...

\\I just got done reading "The Night Before Christmas" //

which version? ;)

Ted D said...

The regular one Tex. It's the only one we've got a book with pictures on. The kids are OK with just words, but I get a bit bored.

Now, if Aunt Tex wants to send a present next year, I'd be glad to read an alternative version...

Tex said...

go check out what I found as another version on SG :) LOL!! i found a site with ALL kinds of versions..

Ted D said...

I'm almost scared to look.

Tex said...

you have Rakes and Trot living with you. how can YOU be skeered of anything??

Ted D said...

True.

That is too much! I think you accomplished the impossible: you rendered me speechless.

Tex said...

do ya think rakes and trots have visions of sugarplums dancing in their heads about now?

Ted D said...

Nah, mayhem and destruction most likely. Or Toy Story.

It's really a toss up.

Tex said...

it'll be a race who can open the presents faster....which leads me to the old question...do you wrap presents or not?? i mean it wastes alot of nice paper.

ok i have a poll on my blog i need answers. stat

Ted D said...

We only wrap presents NOT from Mr. Kringle.

Regarding your poll, do I have to think much?