Every now and then as I'm driving back and forth across NC calling on my customers, I'll imagine myself as a stay at home Dad: you know, if we win the lottery, Ed McMahon comes knocking on my door, or suddenly some never before seen athletic skill appears and I become the oldest Rookie of the Year EVER.
Taking the kids to school, cleaning the house, and changing diapers? I already do all that, just not as much as Angie. Taking them to the park, outside to play, or to the mall? I could do that: might take some getting used to, but man would it be nice to be able to be with my kids all day.
Just when I think I've got myself absolutely convinced I could handle it, I invariably get a call from Angie like the one I got today: and I realize I've been kidding myself. There is NO WAY I could do it and keep my sanity.
Rakes followed Angie into Ciera's room and asked about all the presents under her little tree ( We have to put the presents upstairs with the door locked: don't ask.), in particular one that was bigger than the others.
Angie: That's yours.
Rakes: Can I open it?
Angie: Not until Christmas.
Angie locks Ciera's door, then locks the study door that leads to Ciera's room, AND puts the penny used to open the doors on TOP of a picture frame hanging 5 feet off the ground. Two minutes later, after changing Trots diaper, Angie comes out in the hall and sees the following: a chair under the picture frame, the door to the study open, and strolling out of Ciera's aforementioned locked door, Rakes.
Angie: What are you doing buddy?
Rakes: Me not doing anything.
Angie: You didn't open that present did you?
Rakes: No, me not. Dat is a cool Spider Man helmet, Mom.
Later in the day, completely wore out by Trot pushing a bar stool around the kitchen and climbing into the sink, on top of the stove, and into the refrigerator, Angie takes some wire and ties all 4 bar stools together while Sundance stands there and quietly watches her.
10 minutes later she hears the unmistakable sound of a bar stool being slid across the floor: how that little sucker cut that wire we have no idea.
Now, what they did today is pretty tame in the grand scheme of things: but make it 5 days a week with days like today, and then combine THAT with the peeing out of the car door, playing in the toilet, and rubbing lipstick all over the wall incidents that always pop up.
THAT little cocktail?
I'd never get out alive.