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Sunday, January 20, 2008

Trojan Warriors

We had Angie's family over tonight to celebrate her Mom and Dad's upcoming 4oth Anniversary; I've gotta pause here and say how impressive that is. 40 years. I told her Mom how much I admire the fact they've been married that long and one of them hasn't tried to kill the other one yet; It's only been 15 years for Ang and I and we've come close at LEAST a dozen times.

Pictured with Rakes and Trot is my sister-in-law Karen; she and Ang's brother Marty have been married for 7 1/2 years and so far, no kids. My gut feeling is my brood has a lot to do with that. Every time we get together Karen gets a look that I can only describe as that of a deer when it steps into the path of a 18 wheeler going 85 mph; sheer, unadulterated panic.

She stood in the kitchen for 2 hours straight tonight, waiting for a pot of water to boil and the meatballs to finish cooking while we all begged her to come sit down, yet she insisted that she was fine where she was. It hit me later on; why would she want to join the chaos that was unfolding in the living room when she was in the neutral zone known as the kitchen? Smart woman, my sister-in-law.

Fact of the matter is, the Federal Government should make my house a suggested form of birth control, second only to abstinence as a proven method to prevent pregnancy. I think Karen and Marty call from time to time and say they want to stop by and visit whenever one of them gets the first inkling they may want to have a child.

5 minutes at my house would cure ANYONE with that thought process; you've got Rakes hollering at the top of his lungs and fighting imaginary Storm Troopers, Trot bellowing about and throwing a soccer ball whether you're actually looking or not, and Ciera jumping from the chair to the ottoman to another ottoman to the sofa. All the while Ang is obliviously talking to her Mom while my blood pressure reaches stroke-like levels.

And this was BEFORE dinner. Remember that food fight scene from the movie "Animal House"? Picture that on a daily basis, then multiply the number of people by 4, and you've got an inkling to what dinner time is like at my house every night.

So while I'm doing my part to control the human population, I'm gonna bet Karen and Marty never would guess Rakes looks like this 5 minutes before bedtime.

Calmly eating his cheese nips while wearing his Spider Man pajamas, drinking his ice water, and watching "The Empire Strikes Back". All the while I'm sure he's imagining what it would be like to actually be Darth Vader and how he can have a real light saber one day.

If he is picturing how life would be if he was the Dark Lord of the Sith, I really don't care; he's still and he's quiet, and that's good enough for me.

41 comments:

Tex said...

Judge: "Son, when did you first dream this machine up that would blast away anything in its path?"

Rakes at 16: "well I was wee lad sitting eating Cheese Nips on January 20th, 2008 watching "The Empire Strikes Back" when I started to envision it.

Ted D said...

Exactly, Tex. But when it's bedtime and he's actually quiet, all that just goes away.

Hopefully he'll use his mind for good and not for evil.

Hopefully.

Tex said...

Im just joking. but I couldnt resist it. Just keep him involved in things. I loved the comment about your house being Birth Control! that was funny.

Ted D said...

Tex, I really think they look at us and say "Tell me again WHY you want to have kids?"

It really is funny. Except it's true. My house would make the most devout Catholic a birth control advocate.

I think Horsham is in therapy as we speak after his 24 hour visit.

Tex said...

i can tell you aint nothin bout those kids that will skeer me. im totally prepared.

Ted D said...

Well, put your money where your mouth is and come for a visit.

We'd love to have you.

HorshamScouse said...

It's really not that bad, Tex, and you get to leave when you've had enough:)

It was the highlight of my trip, along with seeing Kiana on Santa's train at the Manassas mall.

Wayne's World said...

Ted. That last line was the funniest one liner yet that I've read of yours. Great post man. I always gut a good chuckle...even at 0144 in the morning when I should be asleep.

Carol said...

When those shows such as Supernanny and Nanny 911 started a few years ago, week after week after watching the out of control kids, I would say that the shows were a form of birth control if I ever saw one! There's no way I would believe that those shows do not change people's minds about having kids. And Karen staying out in the kitchen is too funny :D

Ted D said...

See Tex, Horsham's got the right idea. You get to leave while I'm still here!

Thanks Wayne. I'm never short of material for a new post, that's for sure.

Carol, you're right about those shows. However, the moment you realize your family should be featured on one of those shows is not a happy memory.

Redbeard76 said...

Ha! My brother-in-law's family has the same effect. They have two boys and they are always going at it. If one has a birthday, you have to get the other boy something so he doesn't feel left out and go into a tantrum, for example. So I need not look far for birth control poster children.

Ted D said...

It's good myself and your brother in law are doing a public service, Stephen!

Redbeard76 said...

And, I pledge my undying love for Jo Frost the Supernanny. There, I said it.

You say: You would. :o)

~**Dawn**~ said...

You know what else is great birth control? Working at a daycare. Until it's naptime & they all look like little angels. Or they hug you for no reason & say "love you Nonny" (that's one-year-old for Dawn, in case you weren't sure). And then you felt into a puddle of goo.

scott h said...

I believeth thou protesteth too much.

since the Pack aren't going I don't care, but I feel a Manning coming out party is on the horizon. So all the Pat lovers can put it in their pipe's and smoke it.


Hi Ted hope you are having a wounderful MLK day.

Redbeard76 said...

I'm trying to teach my Sierra to say "I love you daddy". When she finally gets it right, I'm sure I'll turn into a blubbering mess.

Krystle THE Red Sox Oasis said...

Ted, you need to have a youtube account so we can "see" some of these moments. I got my taste of birth control when I went to see my little cousins in July.

Well now back to studying for finals, eeek!

Ted D said...

Jo Frost does have something about her, I'll give you that Stephen. And trust me, it's not just the first time they say it that makes you melt. It's everytime they say it.

Dawn, I teach the 2 year old class at church and while I love my own kids, I couldn't do that for a living; I'd kill the little monsters. I like "Nonny" for Dawn, though.

Bub, now the monday after the Super Bowl will you come back on here and eat some humble pie? 'Cause I think the Pat's KILL the Giants on an indoor track. Won't even be close.

Good luck with the finals, Krystle.

Krystle THE Red Sox Oasis said...

Thanks! I have 1 (or 2) finals that I have to take though, so it's not terrible. Just refresher stuff.

The killer is that they give PE Finals. Really. I hope my PE teacher loves me and just gives me baseball questions because we ALL know what I would get. ;].

Stacy said...

Poor Karen. It takes a lot to put up with our family...she should talk to Keith. :)

I'm with Scott on the Super Bowl; I'd like to see little Manning do well. If I bet, I'd go with the Pats, but my heart is cheering for Eli.

Ted D said...

Sis, you and Bub aren't exactly endearing yourselves to the Patriot fans who read this thing. ;)

No way the Giants beat the Patriots. Just can't see it happening.

Tex said...

I'm just looking for someone throwing a SuperBowl Party with free food and beer :)

Ted D said...

Tex, I've got all the confindence in the world you'll find one. ;)

Tree Newt said...

Dude, your mojo ain't working on us. I'm hoping to tie Sonya with 4 younguns, Lord willing. Of course, I'm part of this family, so I guess I don't count. When it's in your blood, it's in your blood.

In regards to the Superbowl, I'm going to shock everybody:

I'm pulling for Eli. Again, as a...sigh...Dolphins fan, I'm taking no pleasure in the Pats march to history. In my gut, they kill the Giants and go 19-0, but my heart is hoping for a little magic.

Sorry.

Ted D said...

Are you INSANE? Has my life not taught you anything? FOUR kids? You're nuts. 'Course if I could have an iron clad guarantee I'd have a girl, I'd be right there with you. If I could, you know, actually get pregnant.

You, Stacy, and Bub are walking the wire; I'm saying Patriots 35-10. And it most likely won't be that close. It's Eli Manning and the Giants. They are the NFL version of the Rockies; get hot at the right time and run into a buzz saw at the end.

Krystle THE Red Sox Oasis said...

I just have to say. As a Pat's fan, I can't stand Peyton, just more his personality bothers me. He's a great football player obviously. I do like Eli a little bit better. I think it's going to be a close Super Bowl and I hope the Patriot's win ;]!

~**Dawn**~ said...

My extreme dislike for Peyton is that he is a crybaby. This is the NFL, not the Powderpuff League. And he never ever takes the blame for a loss. It's always someone else's fault. Talent or no, he really irritates me. As for Eli, before I just thought he was a whiny pompous brat. Now that he has beaten my Favre (ranks right up there with throwing at Lowell's head in my book & we all know how I feel about My Mikey) & stolen what was probably my only shot for a Perfect Super Bowl (New England & Green Bay), he's officially on the list I made for his brother.

Boo. Hiss. Manning.

scott h said...

So since here at Ted's heavnly abode we all go with looks and personalites so the QB of choice is the "I promise I will respect you in the morning one."

Ted D said...

Wait a minute; Dawn, I never knew you liked Mike Lowell? ;)

I think a lot of the Eli animosity comes from the fact he's Peyton's brother. Peyton is without a doubt one of the best QB's to play the game. I actually agree with Dawn, though. His tendancy to blame teammates when the stuff hits the fan turns people off.

I still say the Patriots blow them out in a 49er vs Chargers way from back in the day; I don't think it'll be close.

Ted D said...

Bub, now you of all people know that won't fly. You were alive in the Namath era; that guy makes Brady look like Mike and Carol's long lost son.

Two weeks for Belicheck is like a lifetime; Coughlin won't know what hit him.

~**Dawn**~ said...

I lost all respect for Eli when, as an unproven nobody in the NFL, he whined that he was selected by the Chargers & refused to play there. The fact that he is a Manning was the icing on the cake.

The word from Camp Belichick is that they will be off til Thursday. Then they practice for a few days & fly out to AZ on Sunday. Think Eli is whimpering & sucking his thumb yet? =P

Carol said...

Thanks for setting them all straight TD

Ted D said...

Dawn, that nonsense has always stuck with me. Same reason I never was able to embrace Elway after he refused to talk with the Colts after they drafted him.

Bush league all the way.

Carol, what can I say? They are family, yet I can't control them whatsoever.

scott h said...

Ok so we don't like that Eli said nope not playing there but we are hip with J d drew pulling the same stunt Hmmm.

~**Dawn**~ said...

A) Did JD Drew do that before he could even be called a rookie? 2) No, seriously, I'm asking. and D) truth be told, I'm not a huge JD Drew fan -- I only like him better than Lugo. Which is not saying much.

scott h said...

Jr , John " The Drive " Elway just nookied you on the head with his SuperBowl ring.

scott h said...

And Yes Dawn he pulled it.

~**Dawn**~ said...

See?? I *knew* I didn't like him. Gimme back my Trotter.

Ted D said...

Bub, you are one post behind and 25 comments late. You have GOT to upgrade your internet.

But yes, JD was drafted by the Philies and refused to go. And I'm on the record I'd still rather have Trot patrolling RF. Also, JD is a Red Sox and I'll pull for him, but I don't have to like him.

Much like I'm sure Dawn won't ever embrace Lugo.

I can't stand any athlete from any sport getting drafted and not be willing to play for the team that selected them before they had done a single thing in the pro's.

~**Dawn**~ said...

Julio Lugo has a plastic face. And a hole in his glove. Or is it his bat? Maybe it's his head...

Ted D said...

Your dislike of Lugo cracks me up every time I see it!

The next 3 years will be torture for you, I'm guessing. The fact he pops up and hugs Papi sort of helps me ignore all that I guess.