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Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Rakes Trumps Roger

After considering a post on "Rocket goes to Washington" I decided against it. I mean, what more can be said? One of these two morons is lying through their teeth and the other is a scuzzbag of the highest order.

Clemens threw, in no particular order, his dead Mom, wife, trainer, agent, Pettitte, and I'm pretty sure his middle school baseball coach under the proverbial bus today. All the while MacNamee comes across as a combination of Joe Pesci's character in "Casino" and every deadbeat dink who's ever wore a wifebeater and smacked his kids around. They could both be on the losing end of a southbound bus for all I care. Josh Beckett is in Florida, Daisuke is sporting a mullet, and Manny apparently is intent on arriving at Spring Training doing his best impression of Rambo.

That bandage on Rakes' head is a result of him meeting the business end of a solid wood table in our living room; yes, the table won. But only briefly, as he cried for about 2 minutes, then wanted to know when he could play Star Wars.

As I carried him up the stairs to bed tonight, he politely informed me he'd burped; 5 seconds later he whispered "Me tooted, Dad. You smell it yet?"

After an afternoon of listening to frustrated nerds grill an overpaid gasbag and a wannabe fitness trainer, somehow Rakes knew the exact words that would make me laugh like Beavis and Butthead watching a Winger video.

Almost like a miracle, pitchers and catchers report tomorrow.

Finally, I can get on with my life.

Such as it is.

10 comments:

Wayne's World said...

LMFAO! That's the Ted blogs I've come to enjoy the heck out of. Thanks for allowing us to live vicariously through some funny moments in your life man. Great stuff.

And you're right man...After reading anything involving these guys, I almost need a shower.

Wayne's World said...

BTW...Glad Rakes is okay man. :-)

Ted D said...

Hey Wayne,

No problem, man. I find it's therapuetic (sp?) to share. Glad you get a kick out of it, just like I do. The whole thing gave me the willies; it's almost like you have to pick which one you think is lying the least.

And Rakes is fine; thankfully, he hurt his head, which is the hardest part of his body. He's the toughest 2 footer you'll ever meet.

Tex said...

\\5 seconds later he whispered "Me tooted, Dad. You smell it yet?"//

thats the Rakes Ive come to fall in love with :)

went to bed last night early. Feel MUCH better this morning. still hacking some though. heading to Granbury later...see ya latah

Redbeard76 said...

\\5 seconds later he whispered "Me tooted, Dad. You smell it yet?"//

Everyday conversation between me and the missus. However I haven't been able to give her the old Dutch Oven treatment lately.

Yeah, we have a healthy relationship. Her, me, and plenty of fiber.

JMP said...

Hey Ted,
Rakes little toot pretty much summarizes the whole Clemens farce..... Its nothing but a bunch of dinks (ted speak) with way too much GAS!!!!!

Give'em all GAS-X and flush 'em down the terlet!!!

Baseball season is now in 1st gear and gaining speed!!!

Time for the has beens to ride off into the sunset and let us enjoy the sport we all love so much..no matter how many dinks pop out of the woodwork.

Glad Rakes is ok. I'm sure he feels the band-aid is like a purple heart medal.. a badge of honor

Ted D said...

Tex, nothing like a little Rakes to bring us back to reality, right? Glad to hear you're feeling better.

Stephen, your wife is either a saint or you're gonna wake up with a severed horse head next to you one day. It's a toss up at this point.

jmp, he's as proud of that dinosaur band aid like it's a medal of honor. Hope you and the family are well.

~**Dawn**~ said...

::dances around singing about the pitchers & catchers who are just three hours south of her RIGHT.NOW. ::

Hmmm... anyone seen Tek yet? >=]

Krystle THE Red Sox Oasis said...

Oh sweet Rakes. Good to know the thing he got was a dinosaur band-aid. =]! The tooting comment reminds me of the future Mrs.Jasmeen, just not as wild.

Clemens is a dirty rat. ALL I'm saying. I mean who throws everyone they know under the bus but himself? Especially Andy, WHO DOES THAT?!

Now that it's Spring Training time, it's time for RED SOX BASEBALL!

Ted D said...

Dawn, I'm imagining you whirling around the office singing like Mary Poppins! LOL.

Krystle, you can't beat baseball being back.