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Monday, April 21, 2008

Dear Uncle Bud

First off, I apologize to the poor secretary who has to read these things; I'm fully aware that The Commissioner never sees them. It's just my OCD and anger force me to actually write the stupid letters.

I realize Patriots Day is a tradition in Boston, and I'm fine with that. But do we have to schedule ANOTHER day game in the same week? Some of us don't work from home or in an office where we can actually, you know, see the stinking game during the day?

I know back in the day that day games were great, Ernie Banks always wanted to play two, and all that other Happy Horse Crap; it's 2008, pally, and I've got 3 kids, a wife, and apparently a dog I've gotta feed. Which means lil' Teddy was driving in bumper to bumper traffic at 80 mph through Raleigh, NC when the pre-game was happening, sitting dead still for an hour because somebody tried to pull a Jeff Gordon move at Miami Blvd., and spent the rest of the day in Fayetteville. (On a side note, you've never seen more tattoo parlors, liquor stores, and nudie bars every 10 feet in your life.)

Point is, I pay good money to watch the EI package. And you and your office, Mr. Selig, have decided 2 day games in a week is a good thing; if I were unemployed or filthy rich, I'd agree with you. Since I'm neither, this weeks game on Thursday and it's 1:30 start time can bite my tweeter.

Which raises another issue; I guess Miss Hathaway is somewhat of a prude, and instead of kicking back in my recliner and watching "CSI Miami" right now, I'm pounding my keyboard, raising my blood pressure, and wondering if I need professional help.

Seems as if she didn't approve of my wish that Ozzie Guillen would show up at your office tomorrow and kick you repeatedly in the gibleys for this asinine day game crap.

You can't find good help anymore.

Oh yeah; the only reason I'm not outside your office right now yelling profanities and calling for a coup is the Red Sox won today, 8-3. Papi continues to mash, Lugo went 4 for 4, and Ron Washington couldn't manage a Little League team.

Sincerely,

Ted.

P.S. Can you call my Congressman Howard Coble and explain that voice message I left about making Patriots Day a National Holiday?

'Cause I'm halfway expecting S.W.A.T. to break down my front door sometime tonight, and I'm pretty sure Ang won't be happy if they do.

19 comments:

~**Dawn**~ said...

It's really hard to make a comment when all I want to do is scroll back up to the top of your page...

Ted D said...

Yeah, I know Dawn.

The power of Lowell is awesome.

Hey; he puts his pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us.

I think. ;)

~**Dawn**~ said...

Only while his thumb is sprained. ;-)

Ted D said...

You may have a point.

This idiot is off to bed; these kids are gonna be the death of me.

Tex said...

Dear Ted,

It ain't all about you.

Sincerely,

Bud

HorshamScouse said...

Try a 3 a.m. start and see how you like it :)

Seriously, both Monday and Thursday's games are getaway days for Texas and Anaheim.

Still, entertaining rant as always.

Wish you hadn't mentioned Guillen. I've been working on believing he'd retired/died/been spirited away by aliens.

HorshamScouse said...

P.S.
Still can't resize your comment window (in Firefox if that matters).

Edge of Design said...

Are you saying you're upset?

Ted D said...

Dear Tex/Uncle Bud,

Yes. Yes it is. I've got one release; baseball. When I can't see it, we've got issues. ;) Is Austinpalooza this weekend?

Horsham, I tried to figure out why the comment box won't maximize, but it doesn't look like I can do anything. I may switch back to the old way. Sorry, man.

Edge, you think? ;)

Tex said...

Dear Ted,

See my secretary Ms. Hathaway for the number of my therapist. I'll pay for the first 3 sessions. After that, you're on your own.

Sincerely,

Bud

P.S. What is this Palooza you speak of? I only deal in baseball

~**Dawn**~ said...

Are you guys talking about the little pop up window you have for comments? That's the same way I have it on my blog. You aren't supposed to be able to make the window bigger (in any internet browser). It pops the comment box out for a comment & leaves the original window open for viewing the entire post. There shouldn't be any reason to make the window bigger... Is there a reason you were needing it bigger?

Ted D said...

Now you've stolen my secretary?

Bud, you're a dink.

And if you have to ask what a Palooza is, I feel sorry for you, Bud.

Ted D said...

Morning Dawn,

I think Horsham has a hard time getting it to come up right on Firefox.

Or something.

~**Dawn**~ said...

I just opened it in Firefox without any trouble at all. You still can't enlarge the window but that's in any internet browser -- but then again you shouldn't need to...

Ted D said...

Dawn,

He's in New Zealand, so who knows what the heck is going on.

Horsham, quit complaining! ;)

Off to work.

Redbeard76 said...

Hey Ted, don't you get the games on your XM radio? So while you're stuck in traffic in some god forsaken redneck town, you can do some fist pumping while I read "In play, run(s)".

Ted D said...

Stephen,

Yep; I've at least got that. Fist pumping down I 85 happens pretty often.

Bickley said...

Sigh. Ted, I whole-heartedly agree with your comment about Ron Washington. I'll be surprised if he gets out of Detroit with his job intact. He is totally incapable of managing a MLB team.

Heh. "hgerfl" is closer to being a word than "jlznm." I think it describes someone who is easy to hug. Or someone who likes to hug a lot? "You're just hgerful!"

Ted D said...

Yeah, Bickley. He seems like a nice enough guy; just over his head.