Sunday, June 1, 2008

Steal of the Year

Bartolo Colon is 3-0 after beating the Orioles 9-4 today.

Yes, he still looks like he ends every dinner order with "Super size me, please", makes Curt Schilling look like a Jenny Craig spokesman, and I worry for every fan in the front row on the off chance one of his shirt buttons pops off during a game.

But my man is running it up there around 98 mph at times, striking guys out, and generally acting like it's 2005 and he's the Cy Young winner. Only it's 2008 and almost everyone in baseball thought this guy was toast.

Which makes the move Theo Epstein pulled in the off season look even better. Taking Colon off the scrap heap, the Red Sox may have pulled off the best move of 2008. With the Big Schill still on the DL, Matsuzaka's shoulder suddenly figuring out he's thrown 3.7 billion innings in his short professional career, and Buchholz down in Pawtucket, Colon has stepped in and kept the ship pointed in the right direction.

Hopefully Hank Steinbrenner has been berating Brian Cashman with random phone calls at 3 a.m. wanting to know "why did we stick with this Hughes stiff when we could have had Bartolo?" and firing off an expletive filled letter to Carl Pavano telling him to grow a set of marbles like Colon.

Frankly, I don't care if the guy eats his weight at the Golden Corral all you can eat buffet and looks like he ate Pedie for a midday snack; he's 3-0 and throwing gas. He could take the mound with a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pecan pie; it wouldn't bother me one bit.

Do your thing, Bartolo. Do your thing.

In Rakes news, I took him and his sister to the pool this afternoon. As I'm getting his swimsuit on, he yells out "My willy is pointing up, Dad. I tan't do swimming with my willy pointing up!", all the while shaking himself like a hula dancer to correct the problem. With a smile, a thumbs up, and a "It's down now, Dad", we headed out of the house.

Serenity now.


Tex said...

::holds sides while laughing::

You just can't make that sh*t up. I'm telling ya. I cannot WAIT till I meet Rakes

Ted D said...

Me neither, Tex.

So when can I tell him to expect you?

Redbeard76 said...

//I worry for every fan in the front row on the off chance one of his shirt buttons pops off//

Hehehehe... never mind the broken bat splinters, here comes Colon's button! Oh, my eye...

(I've sent some buttons flying in my time so it's ok that I can laugh at it. Pot/kettle.)

Take that, Colon naysayers. That's three.

Scott said...

I'm impressed with what Colon has brought to the table, and hoping that everyone has forgotten how I dissed him when he was signed. Although I'm still not convinced that he will hold up over the season, and I hope he proves me wrong there too.

Your son, that is hilarious!

Ted D said...

Redbeard, the man can fill out a uniform.

Scott, this was a great move by Theo; if the guy performed? Great. If not, not a big hit for the Red Sox. I don't know if he'll hold up over a year, but if he can pitch every 5th day until Buchholz gets back or Schilling is ready, what a great bonus for the team.

And my son is certifiable.

beckperson said...

::falls over laughing::

Ted D said...

Becks, I'm glad my slow decline into insanity tickles you. ;)

Bickley said...

Hah. Red Sox have Colon, Rangers have Ponson...that guy weighs 258 freakin' pounds! Hey...I could be an MLB pitcher! Except for the fact that I can't throw more than, oh, 50mph. I have the body shape, though!! Yeah! "word verifications" is "rahnh" Sounds like a toothless lion. RAAAAAAHNHHHH!!