... Papi, even though there is no way on earth he'll be able to play, will be at the All-Star Game at the Toilet this year. Of course he will. Would you expect anything less from the Large Father?
... Papelbon asked Remy if the AL won the All-Star Game did it mean Remy and Orsillo would call the World Series? Yes, Pap. And pigs will fly, Beckett will walk on water, and Manny will win the Gold Glove. Seriously, is he perpetually drunk, or does he really mean this stuff?
... Pap also claimed he didn't know who was the WS MVP last year until way after the fact, forgetting that folks living in a third world country with one phone line knew Scenic Lowell drew the honor about 3.5 minutes after the fact.
I'm starting to think all those Bud Lights have affected his short term memory.
... Remy said "Tamper" instead of Tampa AT LEAST 358 times. And I giggled every time. Sue me.
... Justin Masterson has as much trouble with the long ball as that chick from the O.C. has with saying no to the camera. Which is WAY to much.
... Heidi Watney is incapable of a natural smile. Seriously, you are a sports reporter, not the U.N. liaison for Iran and it's nuclear program. RELAX a little, and show some teeth.
... the Rays are most definitely for real. Great pitching, clutch hitting, and those retro Joe Maddon glasses are around to stay. Somebody wake up Big Papi and tell him we need him back, ASAP.
This New World Order is tough to understand; I need The Large Father to talk me through it.
Wake tomorrow, and all will be right with the world.
At least that's what I keep telling myself.
14th Minute Update
4 hours ago