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Saturday, September 6, 2008

I think I'm raising a puppy. Or worse.

Remember Animal from the Muppet Show?

I'm pretty sure he's been re-incarnated as Trot; when I arrived home from work today I was hit with a play by play of the days events that would have made a lesser man weep.

This is the headboard in my bedroom. Which he was standing ON TOP OF when he performed a perfect swan dive onto the bed.

Here is the armoire in my room, where he used the drawers like a ladder to climb up and completely freeze up the DirecTV Tivo. I have no idea how it got fixed; I was pushing reset and cursing under my breath while Rakes was pushing random buttons on the remote. Somehow it works; I'm going with divine intervention and leaving it at that.

My kitchen counter tops. Which he apparently learned to climb overnight, since Ang found him fiddling with the stove knobs and playing with the lighters we have in the cabinets today. It's a minor miracle he didn't blow the house up or set the kitchen on fire.Now, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to buy a birdcage and just keep him in it. Either that or lock him in the laundry room for 3 hour intervals.

And no, I'm not done. This is the chest in his room. Which Angie left unlocked and him alone for approximately 2 minutes and 23 seconds. In that time, he climbed to the top, threw all the baseballs inside the glass vase onto the floor, and proceeded to take a whiz, while standing ON TOP OF THE FREAKING chest, into the now empty vase.

Did I mention there is a toilet 3 FEET OUTSIDE HIS ROOM?I'm getting one of these tomorrow; I'm not sure yet whether I'm getting it for him or for me.

I'll keep you posted.

Seriously. How can you NOT trust this face?

I'm gonna go upgrade my life insurance policy now. I'm 99.9% certain there is no way I make it to 50.

EDITORS NOTE: After posting, I realized that in the final picture, Trot is flipping me the bird.

Of course he is.

::sigh::

17 comments:

Beth said...

Oh, Ted. Keep stocking up on the weakwaters....

Ted D said...

Way ahead of you, Tex....

I'm not even mentioning him taking a crap in front of the garage door while Rakes tossed light bulbs on it.

I made Ang stop before she got to the end of THAT story.

How'd the wedding go?

sittingstill said...

Ted, not to go all paranoid on you, but kids do get killed every year climbing up drawers of things like the armoire and tipping them over onto themselves. I don't suppose that one's bolted into the wall...?

Ted D said...

Kelly, no it's not bolted to the wall. But it will be soon. Thankfully, it's got a tv, satellite receiver, dvd, and clothes in it.

To be honest, I never imagined he'd climb in it; the other two didn't. I'm thinking the birdcage is sounding better and better.

Edge of Design said...

I thought you were talking about Rakes this whole time. Imagine my surprise with the last picture. In his defense, though, I think he's been watching his big brother a little too closely perhaps.

Ted D said...

Edge, I think I'm gonna lose my mind; the over/under is next Wednesday at 9:17 pm.

And yeah, Rakes has got a hand in this; I just can't figure out how I ended up with TWO who are crazy?

Tex said...

Ted, I hadn't even posted yet so im sure you're way ahead of me.

and I SWEAR to you. I did not teach that to Trot.

Ted D said...

No Tex, I'm just an idiot. That was BETH I responded to; Beth, if you read this sorry I didn't pay close enough attention.

Tex, the fact they know all this stuff BEFORE they meet you is scaring me even worse. ;)

JMP said...

Ted,
This was way too funny!

God bless you man for you and Angie must have a ton patience!!!!

Ted D said...

Marc, you either laugh or cry; I try laughter first, and if that doesn't work THEN I cry.

Sam Jackson's Lovechild said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sam Jackson's Lovechild said...

oh my god...im laughing so hard that i got hiccups, and hiccups in my family have actually broken ribs

add that to the list of destruction

Ted D said...

Josh, now they are causing collateral damage? Just send me the ER bill.

Krystle [RSO] said...

Oh God, that is like the funniest thing ever, because I don't have kids. Only Trot and Rakes.

College life is a little rough so far. Living in Boston isn't all what it is put up to be at all. The school isn't all that nice, but it looks like I'm going to transfer to a school in a few towns over in MA for the Spring and actually major in Elementary Ed. Maybe I can get a catch of a Trot and Rakes child in the making =p.

Have fun with the Animal House crew you have! I have homework to do.

Ted D said...

Krystle, sorry to hear about college not being what you thought; sometimes it just takes time to get used to all the new stuff, you know? Elementary Ed? Has my blog not taught you anything? ;)

That sounds great; world can always use another good teacher.

~**Dawn**~ said...

I'm back from vacation ::sniffle:: and catching up on the happenings in blogland. Normally, I don't comment on the older posts, but I just couldn't pass this one up. Oh Ted... and you were scared of Rakes. Methinks this one will out-Rakes Rakes and raise you a Trot.

Ted D said...

Welcome back, Dawn! And I know; Rakes scared me; Trot is actually freaking me out. I didn't think it could get worse...