Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Serenity Now.

Due to the fact the Red Sox lost Game 7 Sunday night, combined with the fact Trot and I both woke up with what I can only describe as Dengue Fever at 5 o'clock Monday morning, I haven't had it in me to write about the events at Casa De Ted that occurred on Sunday afternoon until now.

Let me preface this post with this; I have NEVER, and I mean NEVER been as angry with one of my children as I was with Rakes 2 days ago. While Ang, Trot, and Ciera were taking a nap and Rakes was SUPPOSEDLY watching a movie in the toy room, I was on the computer messing around for a few hours.

It wasn't until Angie woke up, walked into the foyer, and uttered the words "WHAT IN THE WORLD HAVE YOU DONE?" that I got any sort of inkling things had gone awry. Turns out Rakes had turned our foyer walls into some sort of caveman graffiti experiment, complete with drawings of boats, baseballs, and houses in a variety mix of colors. He even traced the light plates for good measure while turning our entire entry way into one huge coloring project.

After cleaning what we could off the wall, priming and painting the various crime scenes, Angie discovered an even greater act of vandalism; our chair, from Clayton Marcus that we paid $400 dollars for back when we had no kids and a ton of disposable income had a 15 inch tear running all the way down it's side courtesy of a rusty stake knife and Rakes' lack of a conscious.

It's at this point in the story that I must admit I now understand how parents can go over the line when it comes to disciplining their kids. It's only God, a small miracle, and me seeing the world through a rage tinted haze that kept me from taking him out to the middle of nowhere and dropping him off for the next poor family that happened by.

He, along with me, Ang, and the rest of the free world have no explanation on why he did what he did; after 3 hours of talking I frankly just gave up. All I know is he's not yet 5, I'm closing in on 39 years old, and I have no idea what I'm freaking doing.

I guess I just play it by ear the next few years and hope against hope he doesn't end up in juvie. How do you respond when you try to have a heart to heart talk with a 5 year old and he just looks at you like you have 2 heads?

It's a little bit scary and a whole bag full of sober to think about the fact your first born son could be facing a criminal record in the next 5 years. I think I'll just pray he outgrows it and somehow becomes a missionary to Africa when it's all said and done.

Outside of that?

I got nothing.

Do you see now why I cling to the hopes of a baseball team for 6 months?

Can somebody tell me why valium is only available by prescription?


Tree Newt said...

Bro, that is too much. Mom told Amanda about it Sunday, but I couldn't get you to answer the phone yesterday to talk! Remember: I once poured oil all over a brand new coat mom bought me, and I also tried using hairspray and a lighter to make a flamethrower in a barn full of hay!!! Rakes will be fine.

You, on the other hand...

And no, I do not miss market. But I do miss hanging with my bro and bro-in-law.

Ted D said...

Sorry, I'm not taking advice from a pyromaniac. ;) And I realize I'm a hopeless cause.

And I hear you on market.

Redbeard76 said...

Hey Ted, you too? I was very upset at Sierra Sunday as well, she was using pen to write on the walls when I wasn't looking. Also, that same day, when I was putting groceries away and Jess was doing whatever (I thought she was watching Sierra while I was busy), Sierra was in the bathroom putting garbage, washcloths, a tube of toothpaste and other assorted objects in the toilet. I was very angry with her, which led to an argument between me and Jess. It wasn't pretty.

Ted D said...

It's good to know I'm not the only one raising a future delinquent, Redbeard! ;)

Kids are kids, and Sierra is still at that age where she may not know better. Rakes is almost five; little sucker knew EXACTLY what he was doing. Keep the Fair, man; it gets better.

Tex said...

I was about to just quip that you just have a budding artist on your hands....

Ted: Why did you take a knife and cut the chair?
Rakes: ::shrugs shoulders:: I dunno
Ted: you HAVE to know...what were you thinking??
Rakes: ::shrugs shoulders:: I dunno
Ted: What am I going to do with you?
Rakes: ::shrugs shoulders:: I dunno

Does that capture it? Been there. Done That. Got the Tshirt. a zillion times.

Stacy said...

Oh. My. Word.
Keith was asking me about this and I hadn't heard the gory details yet.
I'm surprised I couldn't hear you screaming from my house. :)
Hang in there; I'm sure he'll grow up to be a fine, upstanding citizen.
That, or he'll be kicked out of kindergarten.

Ted D said...

Tex, why didn't you warn me about all this? ;) Artist, property defacer; they both fit.

Stacy, do you now see Jared was actually calm? ;)

Krystle [RSO] said...

Was Sunday a piss off parents day? Sounds it. Just remember Ted, almost 18 years from now, they'll be off to college...or the circus...either way, they're gone.

I can tell you the story what my roommate has done. I can make your kids look like innocent angels.

Ted D said...

Krystle, apparently so. And didn't I mention it? My kids don't ever get to leave home; they have to stay with me forever. ;)

At least Ciera; we've got a pact. She won't get married if I'll buy her High School Musical 3 when it comes out on DVD. She's only 10 but I'm holding her to it.

Bickley said...

Reminds me of the time that Stephanie colored her whole TV screen purple with a purple marker. I'll admit that this was infinitely easier to clean off than an entire wall.

She also colored her entire body with a green marker once. Including her tongue. Yeah, her tongue. Bleah. Said she wanted to be a clown.

I lost count of how many times we took markers away from her.

I definitely feel your pain, my friend. And I've had to go shut myself in the bathroom at times to keep from hurting a child. I think that most of the people in this world who don't believe in spanking never had a child.

Heh. And good luck with that "Non-marriage" pact.

Can it be April tomorrow???

Ted D said...

Bickley, I'm glad somebody else understands. And if my vote counted, it'd be April TODAY.