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Saturday, November 29, 2008

A Moment of Clarity.

Like most of the important things that happen in my life, this one came completely out of the blue. It also came while I was discussing with Rakes why that girl was getting arrested on COPS and what exactly crack meant.

I have no clue why he's so fascinated with COPS, but I'm hoping it's because he's dreaming of a future in law enforcement. Although I've got to admit the idea he's researching ways to beat the system has crossed my mind more than once.

Tonight's moment of clarity came when he asked me to hold his hand and I looked down and saw how small his little paw looked in mine. I got Ang to take a picture for posterity and that only made my anxiety level rise even more.

It was at that moment, as I looked at this picture, that I sort of grasped the enormity of being a Dad to a little boy; his hand looked so small in mine right now, but a few years from now it'll be the same size or better and I'll be sitting around wondering where all the time went.

I realize he's only 5. And I also recognize the fact I have OCD and always imagine the worse. But as I looked at his little hand in mine I had about 3,458 different scenarios run through my brain and none of them were good.

As I looked at this picture I had a brief moment of panic, followed by that lone sane voice left in my head that said "you've done the best you can."

I've never wished for a Red Sox game to be on my tv to take my mind off real life more than I wished tonight. 'Cause I sure could use a mindless distraction right about now.

Anyone got a Nintendo DS video game they'd let me borrow?

(sticks tongue out at Tex)

6 comments:

Tex said...

Very insightful post tonight and unique and artistic touch of the photo op.

But seriously....you end it with a woman's quip from a commercial??? I mean I'm picturing you right now soaking in a tub of bubbles contemplating the college you're sending Rakes to.

and while it's not the correct spelling...the word verification is: Resslin
yep cos thats what the boys are doing right now

Ted D said...

Yes, I ended it with a quip. But now I'm gonna change it. And it's not Resslin; it's Wrasslin'.

And that reminds me...

Richard said...

Ted-

Rakes will grow up fine. Worst comes to worst he winds up like me and the only way to keep him out of trouble was to stick him in a cave from 4-12 every night.

If not for this I'm pretty sure I'd be out and raising high holy hell like a Batman vilain. Also a possibility for the kid.

Ted D said...

You're not helping, Richard. ;)

Tex said...

You should have left the Calgon statement...so I could make fun of you.

Ted D said...

Like that is going to stop you?