Sunday, November 30, 2008

You wanna hear God laugh? Tell him YOUR plans.

Trying out my new copier/printer/scanner tonight, I came across this picture of Ang and me celebrating our 5th honeymoon in Cancun, some 11 years ago.

She told me the night before we left she was pregnant with Ciera and I was dead set on having one child and calling it a day. I had our whole life mapped out; me, Ang, our child, and a dog to sort of balance out the whole thing.

Fast forward to tonight, as I passed by our bedroom and caught the following sight.

2 boys, 1,347 gray hairs, and several medical bills later here we are.

We've got 3 kids, I'm hanging on by my last nerve, and Ciera is going to middle school next year. Rakes and Trot are doing their best impression of Clyde Barrow, I look like I've aged 30 years in the last 11 and Ang hasn't changed a bit.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

One good thing about life; it never happens like you figured it would.

I can't wait to see what the next 11 have in store.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

A Moment of Clarity.

Like most of the important things that happen in my life, this one came completely out of the blue. It also came while I was discussing with Rakes why that girl was getting arrested on COPS and what exactly crack meant.

I have no clue why he's so fascinated with COPS, but I'm hoping it's because he's dreaming of a future in law enforcement. Although I've got to admit the idea he's researching ways to beat the system has crossed my mind more than once.

Tonight's moment of clarity came when he asked me to hold his hand and I looked down and saw how small his little paw looked in mine. I got Ang to take a picture for posterity and that only made my anxiety level rise even more.

It was at that moment, as I looked at this picture, that I sort of grasped the enormity of being a Dad to a little boy; his hand looked so small in mine right now, but a few years from now it'll be the same size or better and I'll be sitting around wondering where all the time went.

I realize he's only 5. And I also recognize the fact I have OCD and always imagine the worse. But as I looked at his little hand in mine I had about 3,458 different scenarios run through my brain and none of them were good.

As I looked at this picture I had a brief moment of panic, followed by that lone sane voice left in my head that said "you've done the best you can."

I've never wished for a Red Sox game to be on my tv to take my mind off real life more than I wished tonight. 'Cause I sure could use a mindless distraction right about now.

Anyone got a Nintendo DS video game they'd let me borrow?

(sticks tongue out at Tex)

Friday, November 28, 2008

I laugh at Black Friday.

I know what you're thinking. How can those angelic faces cause me to have a bleeding ulcer, gray hair, and have a full time shrink on the payroll?

Spend a day walking in my shoes and see if you ask that question again.

Today was Black Friday, which means if you work retail you're basically screwed.

I'm tired, aggravated, and if someone asks me "What's the best price you can give me on that?" in the next 12 hours I'm pretty sure I'm gonna lose it. That said, I made some good money today and didn't try and disembowel anyone so I guess you could consider it a pretty good day.

Thanks to a "Deadliest Catch" marathon on the Discovery Channel and Rakes not breaking Trot's arm during the daily round of "How I Trained To Be A Cage Fighter" I'm halfway calm right now.

Check with me again tomorrow night.

The day after Thanksgiving ain't got NOTHING on me.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Reason # 4,984 I'm destined to be committed.

After a 2 year layoff due to moving one year and Trot being a holy terror the next, a real live Christmas tree is now in my living room. The house smells great, I've got pine tar all over my hands and my wall has a new hole in it for the wire being used to keep the tree from getting pulled over.

Yes. My tree is tied to the wall. We learned our lesson last year after hearing a sound much like a Sasquatch doing a belly flop and found Trot lying flat on his back with the artificial tree on top of him. I think he was trying to climb it, but he could have just been seeing if he could hit his brother with it; it could really go either way.

Ang put the lights on while I supervised from the comfort and safety of the upstairs office and Ciera and Rakes put the ornaments on.

There are now 37 ornaments hung approximately 2 feet 7 inches off the ground.

Ciera proves she's the brains in the operation by getting the step stool out to actually get something on the top side of the tree.

Finally, just to show we all haven't turned into "The Waltons" here's a picture that shows the true spirit of the night; Ciera saying something to Rakes that caused him to break out the "Derek Lowe" face for the first, but sadly not the last time tonight.

You gotta love the holidays. Time with the family, trimming the tree, and every 5 seconds brings a fresh round of crying, whining, yelling, and random attacks with a plastic light saber.

There are still 28 days left until Christmas.

God bless us, everyone.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

As I sit here tonight, with enough Christmas lights spread around the inside of my house to make Clark Griswold green with envy and the melodious sound of "The X Men" movie in the background, I'm well aware I've got many reasons to be thankful.

A beautiful wife I know I don't deserve. Three happy, perfectly healthy children, even if they all are about 3 bricks shy of a load. A nice house, food in the pantry, and I've somehow avoided being committed to a mental institution.

I'm 38 years old and both my parents are still with us, I've got 4 siblings and we all somehow still get along, and I adore my nieces and nephews. I've also got some great friends that I've met over the last couple of years that I never expected to occupy such a huge place in my heart. I heard all you guys and you know who you are.

Thanksgiving is more than just getting the day off from work, eating more than the average human should consume in a week much less a day, and watching Detroit lose. Again.

Take a minute to be thankful for whoever or whatever in your life you're grateful for. You never know when you'll get the chance again.

I leave you with the graceful tones and soothing sounds of Trot, singing the "Micky Mouse Clubhouse" theme song like he's trying out for the lead singer of Megadeth.

The boy can bust a pretty good move too.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Rakes as the Thanksgiving Turkey

Leave it to my boy to be the Turkey in a play filled with Pilgrims, Indians, and the celebration of Thanksgiving.

Although he does have the dance moves down.

I asked him why he didn't sing any of the songs.

With a look I'd only seen previously on people who'd pleaded The 5th, Rakes looked at me and said the following:

"Dad. Everybody knows Turkey's can't SING. They only gobble."

How do you argue with that?


Trot sings the theme song from "Micky Mouse Clubhouse" as if he was the lead singer from Nine Inch Nails.

At least it's never boring around here.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Thanksgiving Can Be Funny.

Rakes was the Turkey in his pre-school Thanksgiving play.

Somehow, this doesn't surprise me.

Just like Christopher Reeve was meant to play Superman, Rakes was destined to be the Turkey.

And he did a fine job, I must say.

As a additional tidbit, Trot did his part to make the festivities even better by crying/having a temper tantrum while Rakes and his class performed for us today. We finally figured out he just wanted to join in about 10 minutes too late.

Just a side note to this post: Ang and I decided I needed an outlet on my day off.

Since we pretty much decided drinking myself into oblivion by noon is off the table, I guess I should warn Barnes and Noble I'll be taking over the sports section every Monday from now on.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Just Another Day At Home

I finally figured out how to upload a video to YouTube. And while I realize Ciera could have shown me how before now, I really don't care. Because that $1,000,000 Grand Prize on AFV is now within reach. One day, it'll happen; The boys will do something so mind bending that it will blow what they've previously accomplished out of the water and I'll be there to capture it all on film.

I can then retire to a life of Red Sox baseball, 24 on a continuous loop, and never have to take off my Red Sox hat again.

Until that happens, I've got what I captured today. In about a minute, we had "Cheese!" repeated at least 38 times by my last count, a demonstration on how to properly disembowel a human being, and Rakes picking his nose.

WWE wrestling comes on tomorrow night. I may get that winning video a lot quicker than I initially thought.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

5 Years? It Seems Like 5 Minutes.

Tomorrow morning, my little man turns 5 years old.

I honestly can't believe it's been that long; seems like yesterday Ang and I were wondering if he was even going to make it. Umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, he came kicking and screaming into the world at a whopping 4 lbs and change. And while he's not much bigger now (26 lbs if you're counting at home and his 2 year old brother has him by about 4 lbs) he's definitely OK.

2 feet nothing and weighing less than the average Poodle, he's a human wrecking ball running a 1,000 rpms and the absolute light of my life. I never imagined I could love something so much while at the same time wanting to put them in a cage and hang them from the ceiling. All boy and proud of it, Rakes goes through life with the subtlety of Godzilla stomping through Tokyo.

He's got my eyes, my nose, my mouth, and my unruly hair. And if you think it's impossible to be so mad your ears are burning one minute to laughing until you think you're gonna pee your pants the next?

Come visit sometime.

Happy Birthday, Rakes Edward.

Your Dad loves you more than you'll know.

And I'm really glad you're here.

Now put that knife down before somebody gets hurt.

Friday, November 21, 2008

It's been that kind of year.

In just another freaky development to an already bizarre year, it snowed last night. Mind you, the last time it REALLY snowed down here was about 6 years ago and that was in February. So to wake up on November 21st and see all that white stuff on the ground was a little weird.

Naturally, Ang took the kids outside to try and take the perfect Christmas Card picture and shock of all shocks? It was an epic FAIL. These three couldn't take a picture where all three were smiling AND looking at the camera at the same time if Sponge Bob Freaking Squarepants himself was taking the picture.

Ciera looks thrilled, Trot looks like he's ready to pass a kidney stone, and Rakes is trying to figure out someway to set it all on fire. Which is par for the course so I didn't let it get to me.

Barack Obama is the next President of the United States, the Tampa Bay Rays made it to the World Series, and a 5' 5" 2nd baseman is the American League MVP. Combine that with the fact the Arizona Cardinals are in first place, gas is under $2 a gallon and Ang still hasn't realized I'm a dink and you've got a pretty good idea this is not your average year.

Snow in North Carolina before Thanksgiving?

Just another weird notch in the belt of the year 2008.

Makes you wonder what in the world is going to happen in 2009, right?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Grooming Time At The Zoo

Today was the day of the boys monthly hair cut.

Otherwise known as "Aunt Jill the Beautician takes twice the recommended amount of Xanax."

I've changed their diapers, got them dressed, and tried to make them do something as simple as finish eating their dinner before commencing with whatever is that particular nights choice of wrestling match is. (For the record, it's usually the one where Rakes hits Trot with a light saber until he cries or kicks Rakes in the gibleys. Whichever comes first.)

I've seen them both twitching like a tweaker on meth while waiting for me to open up the bag of gummi bears, practically run in place while I try and pour apple juice in a sippy cup before they commence the ultimate freak out, and watched them both stammer like they have Tourette's Syndrome as I fix lunch for them.

So I have the greatest admiration that Jill hasn't jammed the thinning shears into her eardrum or ran screaming out the door of the salon while attempting to perform the beauty shop equivilant of trying to horsecollar a rabid mongoose.

And yeah; I'm well aware Rakes looks exactly like that kid from Slingblade with his hair cut short.It's at least one place on his body I know he can't be hiding any deadly weapons.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Rakes and Trot like to Move It, Move It.

Rakes and Trot came home from church singing this at the top of their lungs tonight.

Guess which movie McDonald's is showcasing in the Happy Meals this week?

Trust me, you haven't lived until you've seen a 2 year old in a diaper attempting to dance to this song.

MLB's Hot Stove?

Take me away.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Munchkin Mojo

*Picture courtesy of Kelly and*

In a league dominated by the likes of guys named Ortiz, Rodriguez, Ordonez, and Vladdy, the AL MVP award went to a 2B who makes jockeys look tall and is in desperate need of Rogaine, a wig, or a plain old razor.

We really shouldn't be surprised; all he's done since arriving in the big leagues full time in 2007 is win the following: Rookie of the Year, a World Series Title, a Silver Slugger, a Gold Glove, started in the All-Star game and is a unanimous choice as the cockiest, funniest player the game has seen in years.

You can go ahead and add an American League MVP trophy to that bookshelf, Pedie. With the vote coming down today, I think we can all shift away from that "Prototype" mold we've seen with the MVP award in the past. Guys like Dustin Pedroia just don't win awards like that.

At least they didn't used to. Welcome to a world where the Red Sox are on top and the Yankees are scrambling. A time where this country elected an African American to the highest office in the land, barely 40 years removed from using fire hoses and German Shepards on it's own citizens. A reality that includes MY wife actually marrying a guy like ME.

Freaking Pedie is the AL MVP.

Munchkins everywhere rejoiced today.

I can think of two in particular who had to share a phone call right at 2 o'clock to celebrate.

Happy Dustin Pedroia Wins The AL MVP Day, Josh!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Rakes gets a Trophy.

Tonight was Rakes' end of the season soccer dinner, where he got his trophy and more importantly, got to play video games with his Dad.

Since the league he's in doesn't keep score, about the only category he came close to winning, at least as much as I can tell, is trash talking. You haven't seen someone so short talk so big since Doug Flutie threw that Hail Mary for Boston College back in the '80's.

This particular picture has only been included for the sole purpose of showing how hot my wife is. And yes, I'm bragging.

My very own Pele' getting his trophy. He was dragging me off to play "Street Fighter" about 3.5 seconds later.

Another gratuitous shot of my wife. Yes, I realize how hot she is and No, I have no clue how I ended up with her. I just chalk it up to blind luck, she has a big heart and leave it at that.

Finally, check out Rakes' game face. Them little suckers better watch out next season; the little hellion has his game face on. I have no idea what I'll do when they actually start to keep score.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Slow News Day.

I finally got to meet Baby Hannah tonight, and she's as pretty in person as she is in a picture. Right as this picture was taken tonight I was telling her about how Josh Beckett was going to rebound and have a HUGE 2009 season and why Scott Boras is the the devil incarnate.

Since it's Sunday, baseball season is still months away, and I'm already sick of worrying about whether Tek is coming back, I figured I'd lay off the heavy stuff tonight and just post some pictures from the life of the RSD.

Rakes was positively thrilled to meet his newest cousin, although I was worried he'd bust her eardrums at one point. On the plus side, she never woke up while he and Trot re-enacted the Stone Cold Steve Austin/HHH press conference from Wrestlemania XX.

Back in the summer, Pop took some of his 14 grandchildren hiking around Lake Macintosh here in Gibsonville. Here, Rakes and his cousin Garrison bring up the rear on the trail. I gotta believe they were discussing the pro's and con's of Luke Skywalker as a Jedi Knight. Either that or why in Lord of The Rings did that dude from Rudy have pointy feet. It could really go either way.

Finally, there's always the oddball in a picture.

Ciera, Rakes, and Cousin Jared taking in the beauty of the Blue Ridge Mountains while Trot is completely oblivious and most likely wondering where his next meal is coming from.

Exactly when do pitchers and catchers report again?

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Just another example that God has a sense of humor.

I work 48 hours a week, Tuesday to Saturday. I realize a lot of people work a lot longer hours than I do, but for a guy who used to be a road sales rep, 48 hours is A LOT.

After work, I go home. Every night. No going to the bar with the fellas, no weekly poker night, and no going to the batting cages to pretend I'm hitting them over the Monster at Fenway. I simply go home to be with my family.

Not because I have to. I go because there is no other place I'd rather be. I love spending time with my wife and kids, and other than Fenway Park I consider my home the closest thing to heaven on earth I've found.

With all that said, it's 9:50 pm. So far, Trot has gotten out of bed 6 times since his Mom put him to bed and the last time I had to threaten him with a beating not seen since Tek put his glove in Slappy's face in 2004. Rakes drank a glass of water right before he went to bed at 9:00 and he just got up for the 4th time to go to the bathroom. Ciera is in bed with a 100 degree fever and Ang is downstairs watching reruns of "Talk Soup" on E waiting for me to come down so we can talk about what happened today.

Meanwhile I'm at the computer, hoping I can win the stand off and she'll go to sleep before I have to come downstairs to pee or go to bed, whichever comes first.

So I ask you; is wanting to spend a few hours on the computer by myself too much to ask?

Meh. One day they'll all move away and I'll have all the time I want.

And I'll be praying for somebody to come ask me if they can go to the bathroom, have a drink of water, or will I tuck them back into bed.

My life is the definition of irony.

Friday, November 14, 2008

I HATE Hank Steinbrenner

I just got done reading on where the Yankees are looking to sign CC Sabathia, AJ Burnett AND Derek Lowe for next season. It looks like Hank is picking up where George left off and throwing multi-million dollar contracts around like they were nothing more than coasters.

And while they've spent the budget of about 37 small world countries over the last 7 years with 0 titles to show for it, this renewed effort by the MFY's to buy themselves a championship has me more than a little nervous.

Hopefully it'll work out as well as giving A-Rod the gross national product has resulted recently, but you can never count the Evil Empire out. To pile on to this, Red Sox Nation is dealing with the possibilities of Mikey Lowell being on his way out and Mark Texiera coming to town. Although if you believe the talking heads, HE'S going to New York as well.

Until it all gets sorted out I'll be in the garage slamming my head repeatedly into the car door.

At least it beats the alternative.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Hubba Hubba

I have nothing creative running through my brain. We've had fights, arguments, temper tantrums, and I'm pretty sure at least one Geneva Convention rule broken today.

Tired, wore out, and just plain exhausted doesn't begin to cover it. As I wound my way around the World Wide Web tonight, I stumbled upon this trailer for the movie "Parenthood".

All these years later, it's amazing how true to life it really is.

And yes, I DID wear that exact same outfit later on in the evening.

I gotta go now.

For some reason, Ang hid the Valium.

And in case you were wondering; that WAS Trot with the bucket on his head banging against the wall.


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I really need to read my Camera manual.

With apologies for the crappy lighting, I snapped this picture tonight during the most hectic, yet happy time of the day.

Bedtime. Sure, I've got another 30 minutes or so of "I need a glass of water", "I don't WANNA go to bed right now" and Trot getting up 4,267 times until I make like that guy from "Broadcast News" and start screaming "I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE!"

Thankfully, that usually does the trick.

I'd like to congratulate my good friend Cyn Donnelly for winning the WEEI blogger contest recently. Come next year, she'll be $5,000 richer and blogging for the website, all the while regretting the day she let all of her sociopathic Internet friends find out about it. As a side note, I expect at least one round to be bought by our newly famous friend come the next Palooza. Also, I give it 6 months tops before the muckity mucks bring her in for a phych evaluation based on all our comments to her posts. I'd like to apologize now Cyn, for any embarrassment caused by myself or any of our other friends. We're all proud of you.

Finally, I'd like to share a picture of the newest member of the Dalton family, my little brother Matt's new daughter Hannah Christine.

Welcome to the Jungle, little one. We're all glad you're here.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Parenting 101

Due to the combined factors of 10 hour work days, not enough caffeine, and this whole Trade Mike Lowell/Move Youk to third/Sign Mark Texiera situation, I may have made a fatal error in judgment tonight.

I let Rakes and Trot watch WWE Wrestling; worse? I actually tivo'd it last night and we all settled down to take it all in after I got home from work.

The first 10 minutes weren't so bad, if you could look past Trot hollering "Dey gonna fight now?" while Rakes grew more and more animated by the minute. After that? Total chaos.

Rakes throwing punches at Trot while the latter spun in the air and and landed on the formers stomach repeatedly. I had to turn it off and put Trot to bed to get some peace. My biggest worry? It's too little, too late. I can only pray somebody doesn't get superplexed off the stairs sometime tomorrow.

Finally, I'd like to take this time to welcome my newest niece, Hannah Christine Dalton to the world. Congratulations Matt and Amanda. I can't wait to meet her.

Just have Caroline tell her that the boys mean well and any injuries she'll incur over the next 15 years will be purely accidental.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Technical Difficulties

I've tried for the last hour and an half to upload a video of Rakes and Trot I took tonight with no result.

I'm blaming Blogger for now.

Since I still can't get it to upload, I leave you with one of the few pictures I've got of the Terrible Two actually loving on each other and not trying to pants their sibling.

I'll eventually get Blogger to work; and when I do my new camera will get a workout.

Until then?

All I can say is I'll do the best I can.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Tell me it's not Christmas yet.

I'd like to apologize to the lady who goes to my church whose name I don't even know that was sitting in the DVD section at BestBuy tonight around 8:50.

Normally, I don't curse unless it's during a Red Sox/Yankee game, but if you knew how much I hated doing ANYTHING when I'm off work you might understand. Ever since we got the "Special Invitation" to the FANTASTIC SALE FOR INVITED GUESTS ONLY!" Ang has been out of control.

As hard as I tried to explain how it was just a ploy to get people in on a Sunday night in November and stimulate some business, she was having none of it. Sure enough, we pull up at 8:20 and there are roughly 50 morons standing in line to buy something tonight that will be exactly the same price tomorrow.

I ain't been married 16 years for nothing. I know when to hold 'em, and I know when to fold 'em, so I went along to get along to buy a new digital camera for us and some Christmas presents for the mental patients that live with us. I thought it appropriate, since everyone was asleep by the time we got back (Big Up's to my Mom for having the guts to come over at bedtime to watch them all) that the first picture taken by our new camera was of my favorite piece of clothing.

My Red Sox cap. Yeah, it's a little faded, more than a tad worn out, and just plain dirty. But just like me, it's not quite ready for the scrap heap yet.

But back to the lady from church? I wish I knew your name, but I recognized you all the same. And if you see Ang at church next Sunday if you could sort of keep the whole "I saw your husband pacing the DVD isle at BestBuy last week wondering, and I quote "Why don't they put all the *#@*@#* DVD players in the same *&$#@@#$*&$ place?" to himself?

I'd really appreciate it.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Saturday Night in the Big Town.

"Thank you sir, for taking me to pee."

As a 38 year old father of 3, I don't expect my Saturday evenings to be exciting. I don't even expect they'll be interesting at this point. But I gotta say; when I got home from work and Ang and I decided to go get hot dogs at the local grease pit, I never figured on getting a proper thank you from Rakes for taking him to the bathroom.

Just goes to show you never can tell what exactly is going to make you bust out laughing when you're Married with Children.

After arriving back home, Rakes fell asleep in the chair next to me watching "Cops"; which just shows how tired he was. Usually he's in wide eyed wonderment at the mayhem unfolding on the screen while I try and convince myself he's soaking it all in so he'll be the best law enforcement officer he can be someday, all the while knowing in the back of my mind he's just watching to see what NOT to do some day in the near future.

I ended my night by watching Johnny Depp sink into the mafia while watching "Donnie Brasco" for the 1,438th time.

The single life ain't got NOTHING on me.

Do you see how much I cling to Red Sox baseball as a lifeline now?

What in the name of all that is good and righteous am I going to do until Spring Training?

Friday, November 7, 2008

Life in the South.

I promise.

This will be my last political post ever.

Unless I hear another example of pure idiocy like I heard tonight, whichever comes first.

My brother Matt, walking into Home Depot last night, was able to hear the following witty exchange between two future MENSA members.

Idiot #1: "Did you hear they're going to take down the Statue of Liberty?"

Idiot #2: "Really?"

Idiot #1: "Yeah. Once Obama gets in they are going to replace her with a statue of Aunt Jemima."

Can I just say that as a Southerner, this sickens me. As a North Carolinian, this pisses me off. And as a human being? It just makes me sad.

I wonder if THEIR ancestors had suffered decades of abuse, hatred, and suffering would they be so ignorant? Considering their family tree doesn't fork, I imagine it wouldn't make that much of a difference. But unless your Grandparents had to ride in the back of a bus, drink out of a different water fountain, and got hosed down by fire hydrants while Pit Bulls tried to take their larynx out, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say they would most likely be just as stupid as they are today.

In our Pledge of Allegiance it says "One Nation, Under God". Not "One white nation and one black Nation." The Bible tells us to support and pray for our leaders; I'm not a scholar, but I've read it enough to know it doesn't say "Support the guy who has the same skin color you do."

Just so you know?

The domain is now taken.


Thursday, November 6, 2008

All Hail The Munchkin

Our diminutive, pre-maturely balding Second baseman won his first Gold Glove today, just one year after winning Rookie of the Year.

Here's to a MVP Award to add to the mantle in a few weeks.

That little 5 foot nothing ballplayer is a shining role model for us Munchkins Nationwide.

God willing, we'll be watching the Mini-Dirt Dog for another 15 years manning 2nd base at Fenway Park.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Miss Hathaway fights back.

From: The Desk Of Miss Hathaway

To: Everyone who keeps sending my employer emails about the Presidential Candidates.

Dear everyone concerned,

Due to the fact that the Red Sox lost to the Rays in the ALCS, combined with the fact there was a Presidential election just a week later has caused my boss to go into a rage heretofore only seen when Derek Jeter was winning World Series Championships as often as most of us change underwear, I hope you all understand where this note is coming from

My Employer really is a good man. But the way Jason Varitek resembled Tanner Boyle from the Bad News Bears during the playoffs combined with the fact America was trying to decide who it's President would be ALL AT THE SAME TIME? Well, it sort of turned him into a blithering idiot.

Well, more of a blithering idiot than he normally is. You see, this election stuff has caused him to rage against the machine more than usual; in particular, the fact that friends, family, and random strangers see fit to send him email after email denouncing the person they weren't voting for.

For a man of his feeble mind and limited skill set, this sort of arrogant behavior drives him nuts. As much of a dink as he is, he would never, and I mean NEVER send someone an email telling them who they should vote for and why. I guess he just assumes that person has enough intelligence to research the candidates, learn what makes them tick, and make a rational, well thought out vote when the time comes.

It boggles his mind that people will rely on forwarded emails from moronic people with no clue, coupled with one sided points of view to influence their vote. Combine that with a total lack of knowledge about what they are talking about and his head starts rotating like that little girl in "The Omen".

Just as a second note, my demented, yet fair employer would NEVER think of telling a friend, colleague, or family member who they should vote for. Incredibly, he believes people should be smart enough to research a candidate on their own and make an individual choice based on their own values, morals, and diligent research.

So to all the people who keep sending he and his wife emails about each candidate and why they would be wrong to vote for them, can I just say this?

It's over. Barack Obama will be the next President of the United States. And whether you agree with that or not, it's going to happen. And whether you're a Christian or Jewish, Muslim or Hindu, Yankee fan or Red Sox fanatic, support him with all you've got. Whether you like it or not, the man will be running this country for the next 4 years.

Trust me on this; I haven't seen him this riled up since Uncle Bud cancelled the All-Star game several years back. And while he's normally preoccupied with who's going to be a free agent and why in God's name did Francona stick with Beckett in Game 2 of the ALDS? This election thing has gotten his attention.

If I may be so bold, can I just add this country was formed on the backs of a group of people who went against popular opinion. I gotta say, it worked out pretty well. So why don't we all try to emulate our founding fathers and take a minute to think for ourselves?

In closing, I've got to go. My employer has been yelling about some gentleman named Scott Boras for the past half hour and muttering under his breath about "Tek taking a hometown discount"

Naturally, I have no idea what any of this means. Although he did mention something about a Christmas bonus if someone named "D-Lowe" ended up in Boston. As usual, I'm left in the dark and subject to the mood of my employer.

Can we all try and work this mess out?

I say the following: Yes We Can.


Miss Hathaway.

PS: I've got 8 months until retirement. Can you all try and help me make it without having a nervous breakdown?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Election Day

I don't care if you're blue, red, purple, or green. Doesn't matter if you're Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, or Yankeeian.

I hope you took the time to vote today. And if you didn't, whether it's because you didn't register, didn't know, or didn't care don't you THINK about complaining about who got in and who didn't. As far as I'm concerned, you just told the rest of the world you could give a crap about what happens to you, your children, and your children's children.

You don't get to gripe when things don't go the way you want, bills are passed you don't agree with, and changes to your fundamental way of life happen seemingly every day.

Since the Revolutionary War, men and women have died trying to protect your right to vote. Through 2 World Wars, Korea, Vietnam, two visits to Iraq and a side trip to Afghanistan American blood has been spilled for a variety of reasons, not the least of is your right to vote.

America is the greatest country in the world, and if you didn't take advantage of your God given right to voice your opinion and you still want to complain?

Go pound sand where the sun don't shine.

Can I just say I'm REALLY ready for baseball to start again?

Disclaimer: Sorry for the serious topic. I'll be back tomorrow ranting about Tek coming back, trading Lugo, and the legitimacy of the Jack Bauer for President movement.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Second verse. Same as the first.

Driving Rakes to his soccer game tonight, I learned he had a girlfriend. Her name is Berkley and she lives across the street.

Which is all well and good until I explain that across the street from me are three town homes. In the one on the left lives a married couple my age with no kids, the middle houses a 60+ year old Grandmother, and the one on the right is home to two Elon College students, neither of whom is named Berkley.

In fact, the only Berkley I've ever known was a Labrador Retriever that lived in my old neighborhood about 11 years ago.

What does all of this mean? I have no freaking idea; all I know is that if it was baseball season there would be a Red Sox game on. And whoever Berkley is would have to wait until tomorrow while I second guessed Tito, wondered why Demarlo Hale clapped his hands all the time, and debated with the voices in my head about the effectiveness of Mike Timlin coming into a game after the 6th inning with a full moon.

Don't tell me you don't wonder the exact same thing.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

A visit from ab.

My buddy Andy, along with his son Ben and girlfriend Emily came to see us today; unfortunately Ciera broke our camera the other week so I've gotta go to the archives for a picture. This particular one is from a Durham Bulls game we all went to this summer.

And no; I'm not sure who's the bigger kid, Rakes or Andy.

All I know is Rakes absolutely LOVES the man, and along with Trot and Ciera they were all in Prime Time Showoff Mode this afternoon when the B family arrived.

The bad news? Andy picked up Rakes and immediately got a claw to the nose and a bleeding scratch for his trouble; I guess I should have warned him about playing with the animals beforehand.

The good news? I'm pretty sure Ben and Emily have sworn off having children. Like, FOREVER.

Thanks to the Internet, I'm now good friends with a(well let's just say he's north of 45 years old on this rock and leave it at that) guy from Maine who's a carpenter by trade and a lovable curmudgeon by birth. And I've had the pleasure of introducing my entire family to him.

Plus, he's dealt with Rakes twice now and still takes my phone calls. He's definitely a keeper.

Thanks for taking the time to come see us, ab. The pleasure was all ours.

See you next year.

And remember; all you need is RUNS.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Are you CRYING?

It's only been a few days.

But man, do I miss baseball.

I gotta find a winter hobby.