Dear President Obama, Members of Congress, and all you Senators,
To call my employer apathetic about issues other than baseball and Jack Bauer is normally an insult to apathetic people everywhere. However, thanks to the rantings of his sometime insane wife to some poor woman in India, he has Showtime free for 3 months, courtesy of DirecTV. Tonight he watched something called "Sicko" by a rather large man wearing a Detroit Tiger ball cap; he told me when he was flipping channels he thought he had stumbled on to an episode of "Baseball Tonight" so he decided to watch.
Turns out it was a documentary on the health care woes of this country and how other nations around the world dealt with such matters. It was at this point I asked him if he was drinking; why else would he be watching a documentary? And it wasn't even about baseball, the Three Stooges, or Donald Duck.
After several minutes of him yelling expletives in my ear and threatening to give my job to Bobo the Chimp, he calmed down (Well, he stopped screaming. I took it as progress.) and proceeded to unleash a rant that would have made George Carlin, Richard Pryor, and Lenny Bruce green with envy. Mind you, I have no idea who those 3 gentlemen are; I'm just repeating what he told me to say.
Again, realize this is just a humble civil servant relaying a message so I type the following with this disclaimer: I'm old, single, and rather ugly. I need this job like A-Rod needs attention, so please take this into consideration as you read the following.
How can the greatest country in the world have this big of a cluster**** for a health system? We can spend billions in Iraq, billions in Afghanistan, billions in bailouts to the banks, and STILL have enough to pay hundreds of guys millions of dollars to play a child's game for a living yet we can't help some woman out in South Central LA if she needs to take her child to the hospital.
Canada, England, and France somehow do it. And it doesn't cost the people living there a thing. FRANCE? FRANCE? The same people whose greatest contribution to the world is a freaking potato shaped like a pencil can do this for their citizens and we can't? Throw in the fact that EVERYONE of these countries have longer life expectancies than ours is bad enough; the fact Cuba does to is just the final nail in the coffin.
Every month my employer's employer takes out almost $500 from his check for insurance and that is just for his long suffering wife and those 3 future criminals; his is paid for. And all that does in inure the fact he can actually go to a doctor and THEN he's got to pay at least another $30 per person for the doctor to determine what is wrong. He then goes to the local pharmacy and pays ANOTHER $30-$50 dollars for medicine to actually help them get better.
Meanwhile some guy painting pictures on the streets of Paris can develop a tumor the size of a football, spend months in the hospital getting treated, and walk out without having to take out a third mortgage, sell a kidney, or fake his own death so his family can get the money from his life insurance policy.
I'm fully aware if this were May, he would have been watching a baseball game and this entire post would never have happened. The fact I'm up at the ungodly hour of 9:45 pm should be proof enough; I haven't been up this late since Wayne Newton hosted SNL a few years ago.
I don't know where he was going with all this; 15 minutes ago he just sort of ran out of steam, muttered something about Slappy getting busted for PED's (I'm too much of a lady to ask what this means) and said he had to go: apparently Trot had gone #2 in his pants and was on the move.
Take from this post what you will. Me? I'm going to try to get some sleep and hope I have a job come Monday.
Hopefully my employer will remember there is a "Who's the Boss" marathon on Nickelodeon tomorrow and forget all about this come Monday.
Well, God help us all.
PS: Is it true that nice Mr. Torre has written a tell all book about his years with the MFY? Excuse me, the New York Yankees? And is he single?