Andy Taylor is the epitome of a great dad; loving, patient, smart, and you never saw him raise his voice. Even when Opie killed that bird and didn't say anything about it.
It's a pretty safe bet to say I'll never be confused with the Sheriff of Mayberry.
Today pretty much sealed it in stone. From the moment Rakes was rocketing whiffle balls off the living room wall at 7 this morning until about 15 minutes ago when I left the room after Ang and I had another "talk" about some small thing that won't matter come sunrise yet left us both with steam coming out of our ears, it's been one of those days.
A day where I've felt like I failed my family completely, both as a Dad and a husband; one that found me not wanting to get up and go to church but I did anyway. Watching the Sox/O's game undisturbed was the dream, but Ang having to go to Wally World and me having to clean Trot up after he pooped his pants for the THIRD time in a two hour period crushed that pretty quick.
Taking the kids outside seemed like a good idea until we opened the garage door, it started raining, and they went on the front porch. Which wouldn't have been so bad had there not been enough pollen to choke a Clydesdale, Rakes rubbed his hand in it, and before you could say "Zyrtec" his right eye had swollen up like he'd been punched in the face by Sugar Ray Leonard.
What followed was about 3 hours of crying, screaming, yelling, and 3 kids getting 3 different visits to time out while my blood pressure rose in record time and I lost what little patience I had left in me. Maybe it's the OCD. Or the fact I'm just burnt out from work. Or maybe I just need a break and to see my friends. Whatever it was, I acted like the rear end of a south bound donkey to my kids, my wife, and anyone else I came in contact with. Today I was everything I pray everyday I WON'T be.
All I know is I don't really like myself very much right now and I'm pretty sure it's gonna be a long time before I can close my eyes and get to sleep tonight.
But just like a closer who blows the lead in a pivotal game, tomorrow is a new day; I've gotta roll myself out of bed, forget today ever happened, and do my job. Which on a Monday is be the best stay at home Dad I can be without losing my mind or signing them all up for Military School while doing my best impression of Andy Taylor I can muster.
In my defense, though?
Opie never had NOTHING on Rakes and Trot.