Tuesday, July 14, 2009

My Crown for a Nanny. Or Something.

"Yes. I'll take you guys to the library."

As soon as they came out of my mouth I wanted to shove everyone of those words back in as fast as I could. Somehow, I'd momentarily forgotten the last time, roughly 3 weeks ago, where the highlight was Rakes, in an environment so quiet you could have heard a flies wings buzzing uttered "Hey Dad, listen to this" and then proceeded to rip one off that I can only describe as resembling a chain saw badly in need of a lube job.

So I found myself yesterday, on my day off, shuffling off to the local library with a bag full of books and Ciera and Thing One and Thing Two in tow.

It went south the minute we hit the front door; as I'm dumping about 300 books into the drop off Ciera strolls off to the kids section, Trot makes a beeline for the computers and Rakes stops in front of the Grandfather Clock transfixed, which was my only saving Grace. Who knew a clock would slow him down? I'd have bought one years ago.

After rounding them all up with strict orders to stay where I could see them, approximately .7 seconds passed before Rakes went right, Trot went left, and I had to make a choice; which one do I track down first?

Rakes won out, due to the fact he can cause the most carnage in the least amount of time due to better coordination. Trot is deadly, but in a Sherman Tank sort of way. Rakes is a Stealth Bomber going Mach 5 so I figured it was the prudent move.

To paraphrase that knight who was guarding the cup in "Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade"?

I chose.... poorly.

8 panic stricken minutes later, after I combed the library populated with some of the local homeless folks while I tried not to panic or completely lose my mind over the fact I couldn't find my 3 year old son, he came tearing around the corner hollering at a decibel level I'm pretty sure equals the Space Shuttle upon lift off shouting "I WENT POOPY, DADDY! IN THE POTTY AND NOT IN MY PANTS!"

I didn't know whether to hug him, hit him, or do an elaborate Orlando Cabrera/Kevin Millar handshake with him for actually going on his own. I settled for the "Angry Dad Face" for running off and gave him a high five in the car later AFTER I read him the riot act for running off.

We left with books in the bag, Trot fell asleep on the way home, and I promised Sissy that next time it would be just me and her and the boys just had to read what we picked out.

It's either that or I buy a portable EKG machine and just keep it in the trunk for when I need it.

Wonder how much they are asking for those things these days?


HorshamScouse said...

Here ya go Ted:

$335 on Amazon.

High fives to Trot. :at last!:

Ted D said...

Thanks, John!

Beth said...

I was so afraid he Trot was going to say he went poopy in the book stacks! Unfortunately, that's what some of the homeless do in our publib!

Glad you're raising a generation of readers!

Ted D said...

Beth, thankfully no! And they all three LOVE books. I'm designated story reader for the boys most nights.

Tree Newt said...

My first thought was "did you ask him WHERE he went poopy?!!"

Man, isn't potty training FUN?!!! Caroline finally went poop, by herself, for the first time today. I danced a very long and happy jig.

Ted D said...

I learned a while ago not to ask that question; he went and it was somewhere other than in his pants.

That's good enough for me.