Who knew? After throwing $5 million at Brad Penny and hoping he'd be the answer, that gaping hole in the rotation remained.
Yet we all held out hope that bald dude who bears a passing resemblance to me could rise from the ashes of a bad arm and be the comeback story of the year. Turns out, he just may be; only it'll be wearing a St. Louis Cardinal uniform and not the scarlet B. John Smoltz as a Red Sox worked out about as well as Coy and Vance replacing Bo and Luke on "The Dukes of Hazzard."
To paraphrase Larry the Cable Guy? NOT TOO GOOD.
Turns out, the solution was right there under the nose of Theo Epstein all along. A guy who went 4-2 for Boston with a sub 5 era last year. A guy with a herky jerky motion that would remind you of Cy Young, had there been video of Cy Young available 80 years ago. A guy who makes the local Farm Bureau Insurance agent look as imposing as Chuck Freaking Liddell.
Paul Flipping Byrd.
6 innings, 0 runs, and the most pathetic display of facial hair since I rocked the porn stache back in 1991.
Throw in Billy Wagner looking like the deranged first cousin of Kevin Youkilis and that dude that played the banjo in "Deliverance" while throwing 95 mph cheese and striking out Vernon Welles, combined with the bats looking like it was BP and you had a great day to be a Red Sox fan.
7-0 over the Jays, 7-3 on the home stand, and to top it all off? The Rangers lose and we're sitting in the catbird seat in the wild card race.
Thank God tomorrow is an off day; I could use the break. Tuesday it's off to Tampa and three games with the Rays and for some reason?
I feel fine.
I'm thinking it's the power of the Byrd.