Sunday, May 31, 2009

Everybody take a deep breath

Nothing like 12 K's, 2 HR's by Youk and one each by the Munchkin and Bay to set things right again; Sox win 8-2 and combined with the loss by the Yankees to Cleveland only the sight of George Steinbrenner with his hair on fire could have made today any better.

Suicide hot lines all over New England reported a sharp drop in calls today. Maybe, as my buddy ab calls them, the Doomsayers all took the day off.

Let's hope they stay on a permanent vacation.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Fire Tito!

Bench Papi for a week. At home. 'Cause he's not REALLY trying to break out of this slump.

Sign more ethnic players. Because we've got an inordinate amount of white dudes playing ball, apparently.

Throw in hitting Jacoby 9th, move Pedie to SS, Lugo to 1B, and Youk to 2B, and have Pap and Beckett switch roles and we've got it all sorted out.

Something about the Yankees being in sole possession of First Place in the AL East for the first time in like 3 years has gotten people out of their ever loving minds. The Red Sox have dropped the first two to the Jays after splitting with the Twins, the Yankees are playing out of their heads right now, and I guess this means Chicken Little was right.

The Sky really IS falling.

::rolls eyes::

It's a LONG season, people. And I hate to break it to you, but the Red Sox are going to lose MORE games. They will have slumps and high points, close wins and ball busting losses, and Pap is more than likely going to blow another save. Or 5.

Daisuke will drive me nuts with 6 walks, 8 K's, 3 hits, and 158 pitches in five innings at some point, Tek will kill a rally in the 3rd and win the game in the 9th, and Beckett WILL hit one of the LA Angels. We'll win more than we lose, care more than we should, and at some point cry over Johnny Freaking Pesky.

It's baseball. More specifically Red Sox baseball; it lasts about 7 months if we're lucky and a part of me dies every time winter arrives. We've got the model franchise in the game, with ownership and management that actually know what they are doing, and Scenic Lowell playing Third.

Face it. It could be A LOT worse.

So can we all step away from the Arsenic, take a look at the calender and realize it's MAY 30TH and not the end of September?


Friday, May 29, 2009

Life is a Highway. I wanna ride it all night long.

After working my 50th hour this week, with 8 more to come tomorrow, I imagined chaos and destruction were waiting on me when I got home.

Thanks to Ang spending the entire day at her parents helping her Dad do yard work, assisted by the Dalton equivalent of North Korea and Iran, the boys were calm, quiet, and composed.

Otherwise known as wore slap out.

Like most good things that happen in life, tonight's Hallmark moment came out of the blue around 8 p.m. while I was trying to eat my dinner in the midst of getting both the boys a snack.

Rakes: "Dad. I wanna wear my Red Sox hat. Like you."

Me: "Can I finish my dinner first, son?"

Rakes: "Dad. They are playing RIGHT NOW. I NEED my hat to help them."

Me: (While wondering if my obsessive/compulsive nature has passed down a generation) "You got it, Rakes."

Rakes: (After donning said hat) "OK, Dad. They'll win for sure now."

Thankfully, he fell asleep long before the end of the 6-3 loss and by the time morning rolls around he'll be back obsessing about Power Rangers, Indiana Jones, and why Darth Vader talks so funny.

But his Dad will remember how he laid his Sox cap carefully next to his bed so he could "put it on first thing in the morning. Just like you do, Dad."

Just when I'm ready to ship him off to Military School he goes and pulls a stunt like this.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

I Miss All The Fun Stuff When I'm At Work

The Red Sox 3-1 today behind a great performance by Josh Beckett.

Which is fantastic.

However, the fact I missed what happened in the 7th inning is seriously making me contemplate staying home with Rakes, Trot, and Ciera this fall while Angie goes back to work; think of me like Michael Keaton in "Mr. Mom". Only without all the patience.

Turns out there was an ump at home plate fresh out of AAA who turned the bottom half of the game into an impromptu session of Rage-a-Holics anonymous.

Jeff Bailey from the Sox was called safe at home on a close play in the top of the inning, Twins catcher Mike Redmond jumped up to argue and quicker than you can say "Mike Redmond" dude got ran. THEN Ron Gardenhire, who sort of looks like the snowman who narrates "Frosty the Snowman" comes out to argue and HE gets tossed.

Fast forward to the bottom of the inning and The Commander doesn't quite like the call he gets on a close pitch. He politely questions the legitimacy of the umps heritage, throws a few "baseball words" in and before you know it The Captain is jumping up and playing peacemaker.

Now, I don't what was said; Tek wears that old school mask and his back was to the camera but before you can blink the quickest draw in the West has tossed HIM and subsequently Tito, looking like some deranged science professor with a wad of Beech Nut in his jaw.

I understand not wanting to let a situation get out of hand. I get he's a rookie ump and if he doesn't lay the law down he's dead man walking for the rest of his career.

But 4 guys in the span of 30 minutes? I'm honestly surprised Beckett didn't bounce one off his face mask just 'cause he can.

And guess who forgot to TiVo the freaking game?

As I head toward sleep I've got "The Rookie" on in the background in lieu of DO and whoever they pick up off the street today to fill in for the RemDog.

I'd forgotten how good this movie really is.

Tomorrow it's off to Toronto to face the free falling Blue Jays, where thankfully we don't have to face Doc Halladay over the weekend.

Doesn't get much better than that.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Every 5 Days My Ulcer Say's Hello

*Picture courtesy of*

5 innings.

3 runs.

9 hits.

1,697 pitches.

Sox trail 3-2 in the top of the 6th and Daisuke is making me pine for the days of Rudy Seanez and Julian Tavarez.

Not really; other than throwing more pitches in 5 innings than Brad Penny on a normal night after a kegger he's actually been OK. I'd like to see more than 5 IP, but he's just came off the DL and he wasn't exactly an early game before now so I can live with it.

Lobsters, 4 wild pitches, and Ron Gardenhire's beard are really to blame. Red or Denton at said it best one time; dude looks like he should have a Marlboro Light hanging from his lips while he scratches off Lottery tickets in the dugout.

I will now head to the comfort of the garage and the back seat of the Camry for the last few innings in hope of changing the mojo. And if MDC wants to put one in Joe Mauer's back pocket?

Who am I to argue?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I may be having a mid-life crisis.

As I hit the door tonight, Ang began to regale me with the days events; Ciera did really well on her talent show tryout, Rakes had been sent to time out 137 times, and Trot managed to go to the bathroom 4 times in his pants after not having an accident at all in the past 6 days.

I immediately began to think about my trip to Boston and how nice it was not to have any responsibilities while I spent the weekend with my friends.

But then I thought about how excited I was on the plane back home to see my wife and children and I came to the following conclusion; I'm a mental mess of a human being.

I want to be with my family, yet I want to be with my friends in New England at the same time. Which has led me to discover the answer to all my problems.....

I need to move to Boston.

Now, what kind of complete fertilizer am I going to come up with to convince Ang about all this?

Do they have a military school nearby?

Monday, May 25, 2009

More Pics from the Trip

Me and my "Mom" for the weekend.

And yes; she's WAY hot.

How I saw the sun set on Thursday evening in Burlington, VT.

View from the Green Monster on the Fenway Tour on Friday.

Since I put one up of "Mom" I had to put one up of "Dad". Thanks, again Rob for a fantastic weekend.

Finally one of me and my brother JB. Miss you, man. One of these days I'll move to New England or you'll move to NC and we'll spend our Golden Years rocking on the front porch and yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off our lawn.

Just like ab taught us.

Great to see you, bro.

Just wish it could have been longer.

Tomorrow I'll be back to worrying about Papelbon, Papi, and wondering if Nick Green can pitch in the 9th inning. Tonight? I'm tired, wore out, and my head is still in Boston.

Thanks for a great weekend, everybody.

Can't wait to do it again soon.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I went to Fenway Park this weekend.

*Picture taken by me*

I Paloozed, I went to the park, and I'm flipping exhausted.

Suffice it to say, the weekend was epic.

I snapped this shot Friday night; this may be the apex of my photographic career.

Toured Fenway, caught a game, and Paloozed on Saturday with 35 of my closest friends.

If you're on Facebook you can catch the scene; meanwhile I'm headed to bed. But before I leave I have to post my favorite pic of the entire weekend of me and the best Red Sox blogger I know. Who gave me a hug in the last 72 hours.

Thanks for guiding me in, and out, of Boston this weekend Cyn.


To again quote Danny Glover?

I'm getting too old for this S**t.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Stealing Home

It's finally here. After 5 months of talking about it I'll be getting on a plane and heading back to New England tomorrow at 6:20 am.

The fact this means I'm getting up at 3 a.m. isn't lost on me but I'm trying not to dwell on it. Hopefully by 10:30 tomorrow morning I'll be in Vermont with my friend Rob and the lovely Jane and heading to Boston Friday morning.

I turn 39 years old on Saturday and other than hitting the lottery I can't think of a better way to spend the day than with my second family from SG watching the Sox and Paloozing into the night.

I've got the net on the phone now so I'm sure I'll be checking in but no new posts until Sunday night at the earliest. Those of you coming to Boston? I'll see you there.

To those who won't be making the trip? Keep the Fair and I'll see you on the other side.

I think I'll go to Boston.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

My Timing Needs Help

*Picture courtesy of Kelly at*

Sox win 2-1, Wake goes 8 strong innings, and the whole thing is over in under 2 1/2 hours.

Tomorrow night is Brad Penny. Which means the game could in fact last longer than your average lunar eclipse. So you can see why I wish Tito would have answered all my emails about how it's good to switch it up and let guys pitch on short rest every now and then and flip flopped the two.

Normally, all this wouldn't bother me. However, I've got to get up at 3 am Thursday morning to get to my friend Nicola's house by 4:15 to get to Raleigh by 5 so I can get on a plane to Vermont to see my second family by 6:20.


All so I could save the $45 dollars it would have cost me to leave at 8.

Yes, I'm an idiot.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Season Finale, Pre- Palooza Monday

I just got done watching Jack Bauer, HANDCUFFED mind you, kill three bad guys with a scalpel and a choke hold.

Did I mention he's infected with a bio-agent that is shutting down his nervous system and he's going to die within a few hours?

24 is hands down the GREATEST. SHOW. EVER.

Although the fact I committed to 24 straight weeks to see some conclusion this year resulted in the biggest cliffhanger since "Who Shot JR?" is sort of harshing my mellow. Seriously; they couldn't tie up at least ONE loose end until next season starts?

Did I mention next season won't start until freaking JANUARY????

I'd rant some more but I'm spent. This, combined with 10 hour work days added on to the excitement I'm having due to me getting on a tin can and flying at 35,000 feet in a few days is sort of stressing me out. But once I get through it I'll be in Vermont with my buddy Rob and the fair Jane, then trekking into Boston to see the Sox followed by a marathon Palooza with the SG Crew is somewhat tempering my frustration right now.

But for Pete's sake; could they not have at least let us know if Jack makes it?

(He IS 24. Deep down I know he makes it; but considering I came this close to naming Trot "Bauer" they could at least throw me a bone.)

Sunday, May 17, 2009

I Guess I Missed The Memo

Apparently the Red Sox are supposed to go 162-0, win the Cy Young, the AL MVP, Rookie of the Year, sweep the ALDS, ALCS, and the World Series as well as win the Nobel Peace Prize.

Because based on the number of people ready to jump off the Tobin Bridge just because the Red Sox lost a squeaker to Seattle today and went 2-4 on the road trip I'm assuming Chicken Little was right and the sky really is falling.

My friend Kelly O at posted this on FB tonight and hopefully she's OK with me using it here.

"You're going to win 50 and lose 50; what you do with the other 62 is what makes the difference."

Have I ever mentioned Kelly is wise?

Ever since the game ended I've been focusing my attention on Thursday, when I leave the hooligans and stress in Angie's hands for a few days and head north to Vermont, then Boston.

Good friends, the Red Sox, and the most beautiful place on earth will be there too.

My productivity over the next 3 days will be between slim and none.

Put your money on none.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

No more Jinx

It seems like every post I do about the games on the West Coast BEFORE they happen results in a loss so no Red Sox predictions/rants/totally unsubstantiated claims of insight tonight. I'm just gonna let the nights events unfold like the good Lord intended them to; 1 inning at a time.

After working a 48 hour work week, sleep deprived from staying up late to watch the Sox lose 2 out of 3 to the Angels and drop the first game against the Mariners, and somehow managing to avoid beating roughly 37 customers about the head with a lamp this week I settled in to watch COPS with Rakes tonight.

Can I just say that watching your child fall asleep while snuggled up next to you, and looking at that mirror image of yourself while you wonder how you can love someone that much may just be the best way to end the week I could ever think of?

Friday, May 15, 2009

A Request for Crabby

*Image courtesy of*

Dear Crab Cakes,

Papi is scuffling and riding the pine tonight, Youk and The Beard are on the DL, and Pedie, even though he is the Amazing Munchkin can only do so much.

The boys are tired, 3,000 miles from home, and are in the midst of a 6 game road trip and coming off a punch to the gibleys loss to the Angels yesterday.

You are back home in the Pacific Northwest in front of family and friends playing a team that just came off a 1-7 road trip with a pitcher going for them whose 1-4 with an era that resembles the tab that the SG crowd is going to run up at the Palooza this weekend.

So if it's not too much to ask, can you come out firing beads with hairy cheese or whatever it is that Eck is talking about when he's in the booth?



P.S. Give Papi a hug for me and tell him it'll all be OK.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Strange, Strange Days

Sadly, this season has seen plenty of images like this; Papi with a bewildered look on his face and looking like the second coming of Tanner Boyle after getting punched out.


Today was even worse as he left 12 runners on base, went 0 for 7 and I fear for the safety of water coolers and reporters in his general area.

I've ran every possible scenario for what is keeping The Large Father from his normal level of excellence; from PED's to "he's just getting up in years" to the Swine Flu and I got nothing. He LOOKS like the same Papi, same sweet swing to go along with the spitting into and clapping of the hands but instead of a hitting machine he looks like an overgrown version of Smalls from "The Sandlot" flailing away.

Who knows when/if he reverts back to "I'm Big Papi and all you mortals better know your role"; all I know is I miss THAT guy and want him back.

The boys drop 2 of 3 to the Angels and head to Seattle for the weekend while I spend the next 15 hours working on a Ichiro voodoo doll.

It can't hurt.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Where did the French Horn come from?

Rakes had to tell his teacher all about his Mom for a Mothers Day present last week and he didn't let me down with his answers. Yes, we got the acting silly in how to make her smile and Mom is smart because she knows about race cars, but the 2 that really caught my attention?

He'd like to tell his Mom he wants a French Horn for starters; how does he even know what a French Horn is? He's five and I can truthfully say I've never heard him say the words "French Horn" a day in his life. I'm guessing SpongeBob said it the morning he took this quiz; it's the only explanation I can come up with.

Even more puzzling than the French Horn issue is, upon answering how pretty his Mom is, he responded with "sheep".

This is disturbing on about 17 different levels and I've really got no response.

Tomorrow night, he and I are having a really LONG talk about things.

Sox/Angels is just starting on my television.

Thank God.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Back on the Left Coast

Sox vs Angels. Last time ended up with Tori Hunter getting tossed and Josh Beckett having a rap off with Mike Scioscia around the pitchers mound. Take that, plus the fact these stupid things start at the UnGodly hour of 10pm, throw in the fact I'm going to go with less sleep than the average raccoon gets at night next week and you've got a recipe for disaster.

In the column of more good news? Youk has been put on the DL, Pedie still has a sore groin (which I'm blaming on the ball he took to the gibleys last week until I hear otherwise) and Papi is still looking for that first long ball of the year.

I'm calling my shot here: it happens tonight.

Monday, May 11, 2009

I hate off days

There really should be a law against Mondays without Red Sox baseball.

Thank God for Jack Bauer or I'm pretty sure they'd be fitting me for a straight jacket right about now.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Aubrey Huff is now my favorite non-Sox Player

When a guy hits a home run off Joba Chamberlain and fists pumps not only at first but again at home plate?

He's all right in my book.

In fact, I'm thinking about inviting him over for Thanksgiving dinner; that is the best baseball related thing I've seen since the Sox beat the Rockies in the 2007 World Series. Word to the wise. If your gonna pump your fist when you strike someone out in a game you LOSE be ready to reap the whirlwind.

I REALLY hope there is a line drive right off the protective cup of Joba in the very near future. And if there is any justice it'll come off the bat of Kevin Youkilis.

As I type it's 3-3 in the bottom of the 7th inning with Matt Garza spitting like a camel on the mound and Beckett cursing like a sailor in the dugout.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Something tells me a Big Papi home run is going to end this thing.

That same something tells me I'm not getting a full 10 hours worth of sleep either.

To paraphrase Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon?

I'm getting too old for this.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Parenting is Easy

Ang and I have spent the better part of the past 10 years trying to figure out the best way to handle disciplining children. We've read every book (in full disclosure SHE'S read every book then told me about it while I pretended to listen while trying to watch the Red Sox game) and listened to every so called expert tell us what we needed to do and when to do it.

I've sought the council of the wisest and most knowledgeable voices on the subject of child rearing that I know of, including the women from "Nanny 911", that ninny from "John and Kate Plus Eight" and the dude that gave me my sausage gravy biscuit at McDonalds this morning.

In the past 10 years we've tried time out, spankings, positive reinforcement, taking them outside until they are at the point of exhaustion, and once, which I'm pretty sure happened when Rakes peed in the garage, curling up in the fetal position and hoping it would all just magically go away.

During this whole process we've endured lipstick on the wall, children barrel rolling down stairs, epic meltdowns due to the lack of Chocolate Pop Tarts, and dents in the refrigerator. ( I still can't figure that one out.)

I'd be remiss here if I didn't mention the 7,678 times one of them has yelled "DAD! He's not no his side of the couch!", the fact that the boys seem to view the toilet as an alien that will take them away, and Ciera being diagnosed with the rare "I can't clean my room or I'll just DIE" syndrome.

Finally, after 10 years of searching for the best way to make sure our kids are polite, well behaved, contributing members of society, we've finally found our answer.

Until you've walked a mile in my shoes?

Don't judge me.

Friday, May 8, 2009

A Letter to Theo

*Image courtesy of Kelly at*

Dear Theo,

Please sign this man to a multi-year contract as soon as possible.


Red Sox Dad

P.S. Even if he asks for it to paid in Canadian money, go ahead and give it to him.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Suddenly I wish I was 10 again

I didn't tell Rakes. How do you explain to a 5 year old his favorite player (he still doesn't quite understand the whole concept of Manny being a Dodger) got suspended for 50 days for using PED's?

'Course he wouldn't understand PED's so I guess I'm worrying about nothing; still, it made me sad when I heard Manny got popped today. Part of me suspected something like this was coming, given the Bonds, Giambi's, Clemens, and Palmiero stuff that has happened over the past few years.

However, the kid in me just didn't want to believe that one of MY guys would be caught with his hand in the cookie jar; just another lesson life decided to teach me I guess. Mind you; I'm not passing judgement just yet. Maybe Manny hit that point in life where those football through the tire swing and duel bathtubs in the backyard really hit home enough for him to take a drug (allegedly) that helps produce testosterone.

Or maybe he took so many 'roids he had to manufacture it to make up for what he lost. At this point I don't know and really don't care. What's done is done and you can't go back and change the past. All I know is I'm gonna choose to remember Manny for his goofy actions, epic home runs, and high fiving that dude in the stands in Baltimore.

And for taking a bathroom break in the middle of the game to go take a leak inside the Green Monster while Schill did a slow burn on the rubber. He could set Joe Torre on fire and I'll still laugh every time I think about it.

Trust me. I'm not turning a blind eye to his faults. But as a parent, I can't stop loving Trot just because he treats his pants like an outhouse or disown Rakes when he takes a steak knife to the $400 dollar chair we bought when we were young and child less. So that's the way I'm going to mentally deal with Manny.

You screwed up and I'm not happy. Take your punishment, do your time, and show me you've learned your lesson and I'll forgive you.

Finally, for all the people who are shouting from the mountain top that 2004 and 2007 are now tainted and don't mean anything? Nothing short of Manny and Papi being covert op's with Al Qaeda can take the joy I received from those 2 years away from me. Show me EVERYBODY else was clean and you've got a point.

For now? I think I'll tell Rakes about the dude wearing #44 and playing LF for the Sox tonight and see if I can get him on board the J Bay bandwagon.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I really should write a book.

In the never ending sitcom that is my life, chapter 435 happened today.

We found out over the weekend that one of my neighbors has cancer and is getting ready to undergo chemo and radiation (this, along with the news that Jerry Remy had cancer surgery late last year is the final confirmation I need in order for me to wish cancer to get cancer). So Ang, along with several other neighbors organized a movement for all of us to put purple ribbons around the mailbox to show our support for him and his family.

In order to spread the word, Ang asks the innocent next door neighbor to watch Trot while she goes door to door to get support; according to her, it wasn't 10 minutes before she witnessed the following.

Trot, wearing a nothing but a pair of crocks and a smile, running down the middle of the road yelling his head off and looking for a wall to run into. Turns out he'd messed his pants and while the poor sucker my wife conned into watching him cleaned up the mess, Beavis decided to make a break for it and in the process scarred half the neighborhood for life.

This, combined with his visit to the Doctor on Tuesday where he took his physical and promptly told anyone in a 3 county radius how he peed in a cup is enough to make me seriously consider moving to Iceland.

I love my son more than life itself, but he's starting to make Rakes look like an alter boy which is the real world equivalent of a Red Sox fan liking Joba Chamberlain or Derek Jeter.

All this, combined with the Sox losing to the Indians tonight 9-2 is causing me to revisit that wacky idea I had a few years back about becoming a monk.

Although I'm pretty sure when they do the background check and discover I sired the second coming of Butch and Sundance my request will get thrown in the closest available trash can.

Which is really a shame.

I think I could pull off the bald look.

Timmeh tomorrow and MP in 2 weeks.

With a little bit of luck and some divine intervention I just may make it until then.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

A Face Made For Gibley Punching

*Image Courtesy of*

You give up a 3 run home run in the first inning so what do you do?

Tip your cap to the guy, chalk it up to a bad pitch, or blame the wet footing on the mound?


You hit Jason Bay in the back with a + 90 mph fastball the next time around.

As long as Joba Chamberlain is pitching in MLB Roger Clemens is alive and well.

What a bush league, chicken s**t, dinkish move; coming from this clown I shouldn't have expected anything else.

4-3 Sox in the bottom of the 7th with JPB pulled after giving up a lead off single to Captain Intangibles. It didn't happen tonight, but there is no doubt in my mind that someone wearing pinstripes is going to get one in the ear hole SOMETIME this year.

Dear God, I don't ask for much.

But PLEASE let it be Jeter.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Rakes Soccer Party

Thanks to Coach Wendell scheduling it on a Monday, I was able to make Rakes end of the season soccer party tonight. I was only able to make a handful of games this year, so getting to be there at the end was big for me tonight. As you can tell from the above picture, Rakes was excited in his own way.

His was the final name called to come to the front and get his trophy, and Coach made it special by announcing "Last, but certainly not least Rakes Dalton!" Ric Flair would have been envious with the way Rakes strutted to the front of the room to accept his trophy.

All the Sharks with Coach Wendell. I have no idea what Rakes is doing in this picture; I'm going to chalk it up to the Jimmy Legs and leave it at that.

Finally, Rakes and Wendell. And with every day I get more and more proud of my oldest son.

Love you, little man.

In the top of the 3rd at the new Toilet it's Red Sox 3, Skanks 0. Phil Hughes is at 80 some pitches, Crabby is dealing, and there are several Red Sox fans sitting in the first row of seats.

I really hope George is boiling over in his luxury box over this development.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Whoever said Sunday is a day of rest has never visited my house

6:27 a.m. Wake up with Trot standing beside my bed, hollering he wants some cheese.

6:45 a.m. After falling back asleep, wake up to Rakes yelling from the living room that he wanted some cereal while Ciera yells over him that she's making cinnamon rolls.

7:30 a.m. Desperately try to fall back asleep. FAIL due to the game of extreme floor hockey/tackle the man with the ball that has broken out in my foyer.

8:45 a.m. Give up on the sleep thing and get in the shower.

9:15 a.m. Get the boys ready for church, jump on the computer for a few minutes, then corral all the kids into the man van. Ang, down with a bad back, stays behind to clean up the coffee the boys spilled off the kitchen floor. And no, neither Ang or myself drink coffee. Long story.

10:00 a.m to 12:30 p.m. Attempt to teach the 2-3 year olds at church, including Trot, about giving. Based on the number of fights that broke out I'm going to go out on a limb and say the message didn't exactly sink in.

12:30 to 1:30. Ate lunch while trying to watch the Red Sox pre-game show. However, multiple interruptions due to spilled drinks, dropped food, and one instance of X-Men related defiance later I can't tell you anything about what I watched. Except Tom Carron looks REALLY awkward with facial hair and Brian Daubauch looks ready to be the next subject on A&E's "Intervention".

1:30 to 5:10 p.m. Watched the game, surfed the web on my phone, found moldy strawberries under the chair in the play room and threatened to send Rakes to reform school on 3 separate occasions. Mixed in with all this was the monthly pastime of Ang and I arguing about paying the bills with her crying, me ranting, and Rakes in the background using the Nordic Track as a punching bag.

From that point until now it's a blur; I found 3 Gogurts and a pair of scissors behind the tool bench in the play room, Ciera tried to convince me her glass of Sprite was in fact water, and Trot pooped in his pants and subsequently on the carpet leading into my bedroom. Figure in Rakes melting down when I wouldn't let him take his permanent markers in the living room and the fact the Red Sox lost 6-4 and it's actually a minor miracle I'm upright and able to type right now.

Tomorrow doesn't get any easier; Ang has an appointment with the chiropractor at 9, followed by a job interview at 11, which means I'm in charge for roughly 4 hours with Rakes in pre-school, Trot at home, and the Red Sox headed to New York for two games with the Skanks.

I've been hearing good things about electro-shock therapy lately.

Maybe I should give it a whirl.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Balls of Steel takes on a whole new meaning.

*Image courtesy of*

Wake was human. Lowell hit a Home Run.

And The Munchkin took one off the marbles on a slide into third.

Final score was 10-6 Red Sox, and even though Jeff Bailey replaced J Bay in the 6th inning I refuse to panic. We beat the Rays on their home field, which has been a house of horrors the past year or so, and the sky failed to fall.

I'm going to consider that a good omen and console myself with the fact that 3 weeks from today I'll actually be in Boston.

CC Sabbathia going 1-3 today is just icing on top of the sundae.

Brad Penny on the bump tomorrow.

I'll be the guy swigging Pepto Bismal if you need me.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Buck Martinez isn't helping

The Red Sox are losing 6-2 to Tampa, I had back to back to back crappy days at work, and instead of the soothing tones of the RemDawg on my television I've got the perpetually nasally Buck Martinez on my NESN and harshing my mellow.

Add all that to the fact I've got a wicked case of writers block and you understand why I have absolutely no motivation to try and come up with anything close to original.

Therefore I leave you with my favorite "Non-commercial that really outa be a commercial" based on the life changing 2004 World Series.