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Friday, February 12, 2010

I wonder if I can get a bulk discount on antacids for the next decade?

So Ciera went to her first Middle School dance tonight.

I had no idea I could freak out that much in a three hour time span, but I surprised myself. She's currently downstairs going over every detail with her Mom, who is for some weird reason excited about this latest development. I bear hugged her when she came in the front door, asked her if she danced with any boys, got the standard "Daaaaad. NO.", decided to believe her rather than explore the issue further, and headed upstairs.

Where I've spent the last 45 minutes imagining every possible covert op for Rakes and Trot over the next 6 years my feeble brain could come up with and pricing night vision goggles and explosive devices that look like common household objects on the Internet. I've even considered buying a subscription to "Soldier of Fortune" magazine for the boys; they like to look at guns, they are fairly well coordinated, and Rakes has got a pretty hot arm for a 6 year old that weighs less than 40 lbs.

Give me 6 months and a Rambo marathon for inspiration and I'm pretty sure I can ensure she'll remain dateless for the rest of her public school career.

Now, if I can figure out a way to get Rakes to graduate High School at the age of 13 so he can accompany her to college I'll have my master plan completed.

Only problem is he's more like Hank the Tank than Doogie Howser. I've got 6 years though; the Red Sox won the World Series twice in 4 years.

ANYTHING can happen.

10 comments:

Tex said...

ya know, possibly leaking this blog to her Middle School friends may just keep the boys away permanently. They'll not want to go near a family with a demented dad. ;)

Rich in the Garage said...

God I hope she brings a guy home when Josh and I are around. That'll be fun.

She's a good kid and was raised well. She'll be fine. But I'll murder the first one that makes her cry. That I promise.

...maybe murder is a strong word..physically maim is probably more accurate. We need him as a walking beacon of what happens when you mess with my friends child.

Stacy said...

She told Jared on the way home that she didn't know when she could date, that her dad hadn't told her yet. :)

I don't think you've got much to worry about.

Ted D said...

Tex, not a bad idea at all! Jr, stop or you're gonna make me cry. Seriously though? Appreciate it. And Stacy, that makes me feel much better.

Tex said...

Auntie Tex needs to make a visit STAT to teach Ciera how to handle boys on dates.
1. tote your gun in your purse. the one with the secret compartment on the side so you can slide it out when the dude even THINKS about making a wrong move
2. Back up plan is taking Karate so if the gun slips out or you forget to put the bullets in it cos you were putting on your lipstick instead...you can give him a side leg swipe
3. if all else fails, take Rakes and Trot on the date with you and let them sit in between ya.

Seriously, Ciera is a smart gal...she's got great parents and aunts and uncles and grandparents who teach her how a lady should be treated. Im sure she has HIGH Standards!!

Ted D said...

She does, Tex. But she's still my baby girl.

Amy B. said...

Ted- you have nothing to worry about...she's a smart cookie! But if you need, I have a huge box of Prilosec left over from when I had my ulcer.

Ted D said...

Send it my way, Amy. And it's not HER I'm worried about.

Tex said...

Just buy a fake gun and pretend to be cleaning it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSDAf2q6SbQ&feature=related

Ted D said...

Got it covered, Tex.