David Ortiz is the 2010 Home Run Derby Champ.
And you're not.
Stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it.
(Dear God? Please don't let him be hurt or lose his swing or turn into Greg Zaun overnight as a result of this, because it's about 1000 kinds of awesome that the guy everyone wrote off at the beginning of the year just took all the young dudes to school).
If he DOES get injured and subsequently has an "accident" with a lead pipe?
Look no further than the man I'm proud to call my "brother".