This dapper gentleman's name is Ned Colletti. He's the General Manager of the Dodgers and I'm sure he's an all around good guy. Loves his kids, kisses his wife every morning, rubs the dogs head and gives generously to the local Red Cross.
However, tonight? I'd REALLY like to tie Trot to the tail of a rabid Mongoose, tie Ned to an ant hill and let nature take it's course.
Why would I wish such a horrific act on a guy who sports a grade A porn stache you ask?
Because he just gave Juan Uribe a 3 year, $21 million dollar deal. THAT'S why.
Granted, dude had one whale of a post-season for the Giants. And he did hit 24 HR's and drive in 85 RBI during the regular season. But he averaged .248 in the ever lovin' NL WEST where I'm pretty sure I could at least hit .150. Every other Sunday.
If you give Uribe $21 million, what does that say to Carl Crawford or Jayson Werth or Yogi Bear's little buddy Boo Boo? I'll tell you what it would say to ME if I were anyone of them? (Smart money would be on Boo Boo, btw.) It says JACKPOT. Forget 7 and $125. Let's ask for 5 and $150 with the option to opt out after 3 years or no playoff appearances, whichever comes first.
At this point it wouldn't surprise me if every other G.M. in baseball decided to storm Ned's house with pitchforks and light sabers, demanding he either resigned or be put in the stockade for a month.
Look, Ciera is bed with some wicked stomach bug, tomorrow is the first of December and the most significant off-season move the Sox have made is to let John Farrell leave to manage the Blue Jays. Trot still isn't fully potty trained and Rakes likes girls at the ripe old age of 7 and it's still over two months until pitchers and catchers report so you'll forgive me if I'm a little bit cranky.
Throw in Christmas is less than a month away and I can't screw in a light bulb without a manual, much less assemble a toy/bike/game in less than 3 hours and hopefully all that sheds some light on my state of mind at the moment.
But right now? If I saw Ned at the corner store buying a newspaper and a cup of coffee it'd take all of my control not to dropkick him in the marbles.
What I Learned in September: 2014
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